SURE SOMEHOW ME

Hoo'ooo

2008-07-12T20:44:00.001-07:00

ga’ gaaa...

Sometimes it hits me, hard.

Like this afternoon, random I felt it punch my gut. Out of nowhere, or maybe all it took was a gaze at my Son sleeping beside me, the tears broke through and made me gasp at how hard it came.

I am tired this night, I had a long day yesterday, work, Son, speeding to Tucson to catch words with good friends and good vibes, maybe that was what made me release what was I kept squashed down between my heart and my head.

it came and shook me with sobs that I didn't know were still there. I ached for her, for what she meant to me, for what I felt I could of been more of.
She is a woman who I aspire to be like, but know that I fall short of.

Words seem to fail me now, the don't seem to capture what she was/is.

Even now, I can't differentiate between was and is. I dream of her at night. I think she's letting me know she's happy in the sky.

I know I really shoudn't be writing this, but this what needs to be said about her and what she meant in my life. She's so much more than these typed words on a stupid myspace blog, but it's all I can do for now, and in a way, doesn't that count for something.

At my worst last week, when I was battling the heat, exhaustion and hunger on that concrete path, she flew butterflies in my face and I managed to go on when I was doubting the sanity of it all, Really, what did it matter at that point in the scheme of my world?

She showed me golden wings and gave me a mental nudge to do what I know I could, what she wanted me to.

I hate choking on my tears, so tonite, I released some of them, even now, in this stream of conciousness, I know she will always be there, to show me golden wings.

I miss her.

"BACK IN MY HEAD"

2007-11-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

After an extended break from writing, and a really bad case of spelling. I return to you, my two blog readers..heh.

I refuse to recap what I've been up to at this point, just going on the knowledge that it's more of the same, although I do admit that I am less then I once was.

I am in preparation for the upcoming PF Changs 2008 Marathon. I admit, I haven't been training like I believe that I should. My longest run so far has consisted of 13.1 miles, with an average rate of 25-30 miles per week. My pace has dropped down to about 9:00 minute miles, my happy place.

I can push harder, but I choose not to. heh. I admit, I'm being lazy.

I've developed a relaxed approach to my running after the San Diego marathon this past summer. I think I kinda burnt myself out for a second.

After a late awakening turned a half-marathon into a 20K opportunity, I found myself running in an environment that felt like home. It was a small race, in a beautiful setting, with varied hills and a great pace time. I felt back in my head after that.

I was in "God's Country" aka the San Carlos Apache Rez, where I grew up a couple of weeks ago, running up a dirt path that shi'ta and I used to run back in the day. I pushed that sucker out with no ears, no garmin, no road, and cleansing deep breathes. I felt at peace again. I felt at peace with myself. After all the noise, all th gadgets, all the junk that runners now have, I was stripped back down to where and how I had all began. Me, a dirt road, and the squish of my shoes on my homeland. I was reborn and recharged.

I begin this journey again to share what I can and decide to share. Give me patience while I find my writer's feet....

I don't want to be an APPLE!!

2007-07-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

This past week I finished with a total of 22 miles under my belt, counting from Monday to Sunday. My longest run was on Sunday with an hour run for 6.4 miles.

I have been sticking to incorporating other exercises into my workouts. I have been trying the elliptical, the bike, and the rowing machine as well as sporatic free weight exercises.

But for the life of me, I dont get whats going on with my weight! I have gained since Jan's PF Changs a total of 9 freaking lbs!! I can totally tell to as my once "baggy" pants are starting to fit just right and "gasp" getting a big tight!! I felt like such a pig, but I really don't see how the lbs. have piled on..I have still been exercising, eating like I usually do, although I did make a big change in my life regarding birth control..lol. It's kind of TMI for my site but screw it, Ill give up anything to find a reason for the gain!

I could see the weight in the mirror yesterday at my kickbox class. Ugh! My arms are good, I love the defintion in my arms, and my legs are the usual goddesses of steel (heh), its my midsection thats got to go!!! When I gain, it always goes there, bleh. I don't want to be shaped like an apple..!! I want to be a coca-cola bottle..heh.

I've worked so hard to retain a healthy lifestyle, it sucks to see it all go to sh*t.

So as of yesterday, I went to the grocery store and bought some "diet" food. I bought some lowfat yogurt, fruit, cottage cheese, Sprite "ZERO" (heh), OJ and low fat milk. I also splurged and bought some FUJI water (yum) and some Propel packets to add to my water to give it more of a taste.

Anyone have any diet tips or anything at all to help me get back down to 135, let me know.

OR, if you want to join me in this weight loss challenge..hit me up. We can be weight lost buddies or even set up some kind of weight loss contest with a payout at the end. Nothing is more of an incentive than good health of course, but Moolah or free junk never hurts..heh.

2007-07-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

Roll them bones!"

I had taken 7 days out of my workout life to recuperate and recover.

My old bones were feeling the effects of my 31 years. heh. In the morning, my knees would creak and protest the mornings first steps, my right foot still has a weird bump near my arch, my back (as usual) has been aching even worse, and my shoulders have been feeling aches and I believe I wretched my sockets so it hurt to even lift my arm.

I was a mess.

It was so weird because it would hurt to even walk after sitting for a bit, my knees would be so sore and hurt and ache so bad! It was to the point where I even took aspirin, and I never take medicine if I can help it.

I was reminded that I had just finished my second marathon in a year less than 3 weeks ago, but being the Superwoman that I am, I think thats not an excuse! But, I have to remind myself that I am not superwoman..or in my case, superwoman in lowercase..heh. I am a regular woman who is succeptible to pains, overworking my body, and being tired.

Hence, my 7 day vacation from working out. I did however walk, though I do not really count that as working out, though it is, but just not in my warped psycho mind.

Since being back in the mix, I have taken to not just running, but trying to incorporate other aspects into my regime. I have worked out an hour for the past two out of three days, 35 minutes running, 20 minutes on the elliptical, 10 minutes on the rowing machine. I would like to lift some free weights, but as my shoulder is still a bit achy and sore, I do not want to push it and end up with a jacked up shoulder for another week. I like the variety, though of course, I can never truly let go of the 'run". I am now also making myself stretch before and after for at least 5 minutes each. Something I was sorely lacking and of course, led to my breakdown.

On our 4th of July va-ca to Vegas, we swam everyday. This is another thing that I wish to incorporate into my workouts. I love the water! However, I am so not a good swimmer. As D says, my upper body starts out strait, then my lower half slowly slips down lower and lower. I also tend to get panicky in water that is higher than me, but it is something that i can overcome and a nice new challenge, which I love.

On a good note, last year SRPMIC sponsered a young woman from the rez to take part in the Ironman here in Az. It was the first year that they had done so with the help of other sponsers. They paid the entrance fee, supplied the wetsuit, the bike, the bike clothes, the shoes, the supplements, basically everything you need to do the damn thing! Anywho, the husband of the young woman who received the award came to me and asked if I would be interested in being this year's recipient!!! I guess they were give the task of picking a woman from the rez to receive the award and they thought of me!! I was so honored!! However, I had to decline. I know the Ironman is no joke, and in no way shape or form am I even close to being ready to do this humongous thing!! I am in a good place now with balencing my workouts, my family, work and part-time school, and of course my friends, and training for the Ironman would be like having a second job! I told them thank you for even thinking of me and that I was very honored but I would have to decline, but to keep my in mind in two years!!

Its good to feel like the discipline I place in my life with regards to being healthy and in shape is noticed by others. It makes me feel good that other people believe in me enough to know that with something as big as the Ironman, they believe in me that I would finish.

Ironman, you tease!!!

Momma dont' get dressed up for nothing..

2007-06-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

So on Friday nite I went out. Yes that once in a million years thing happened..lol. It was my girl's bday so we had a night of debachery and red bulls.

It was so weird in a good way to be out on Mill again. It brought me back to my ASU days of undergrad legend status..lol. The night was cool and the sidewalks were full. I was with my girls with no curfew and a night of much needed letting of the hair down.

Hit up Fat Tuesdays as Mill Cue Club was full, and claimed the barstools as our's as we put in our drink orders. Red Bull for me thank you. I sat down and got my eyes full of the night life that I had been missing. I was in such the right mood to go out, I was looking forward to hanging with the ladee'z, I was rested, and I felt like I was 1o years younger..heh.

I don't know if it's just me, but I felt the dagger eyes as soon as sat down. Maybe it's me, but I always seem to get the looks from the ladee'z that maybe I had wronged in the past?,or they think I am somebody else they have static with, or not liking me for whatever reason even though I have no idea who the hellz you are. Whatever yo, I was there to chill and have no drama.

Upon sitting a couple of males made their prescense known, and for me, it made me feel like I stil had it. Whatever "it" is..heh. It's just good to know that you are totally not full blown screaming "I AM MOMMA" anymore and that you can be recognized as an "attractive" heh, woman.

Its just at times, I feel like I've lost the hotness. heh. I guess I understand that I am still considered somewhat "attractive", but its just good to know that not just you or your love recongizes that fact.. Then again, nothing beats your Son saying," Mommas beautiful". aww..

Anywho, I had a blast. Got my eyes full, had 5 freaking redbulls. It was funny cause I was double-fisting it with RedBull..lol.

Its good to go out every once in a while, it reminds you of what you have and to appreciate it. I loved coming home to my Men and kissing the older one awake while you talk till 4 am..cause you missed each other. heh.

Its good to see what I gave up to be blessed with what I have now.

party girl grows up

2007-06-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

I was on myspace, being a stalker and shifting through profiles (come on, you know you do it too..heh).

It made me look back on my life, the life I had before I am where I am today. I read some of the things written for the world to see regarding a young woman's strut out into the world. I remember how it felt to be so young and so free and idealistic. How it felt to have this blank sheet of paper upon which I could write out my life.

Don't get me wrong, I know that i am not an old maid at 31, but man when they say there's world of difference between your 20's and 30's they ain't kidding. Back then, the world was this great open playground where I could do anything I wanted to do. I was young, single and free.

I can look back now on me then, and I can truly say that I lived the hell out of my 20's. I traveled from here to there, I loved and lost, I made radical discoveries about who I am and who I wanted to be, I changed I don't know how many jobs and tasted almost every adventure presented to me. Of course, I made my share of mistakes, but even those, the ones that left me lying on the floor, I learned from and I endured. Through it all, I never hesitated from an adventure, even if I wasn't all too sure I should take it, I just wanted the experience of life.

I've learned that karma is a mofo, and it is true what they say, you reap what you sow. Because of this, I feel that I have come out of all the turmoil and drama a better person. I took what life through at me and made it all a part of who I am today.

I'm glad that my life didn't just exist within the border of my rez or even my state. My crazy life has taken me to live in the coldness of Ontario for a month, the blandness of Kansas, the beauty of Oregon, and the spirtuality of the Badlands. I have seen so many things that I take out like a file in my memory to look at and laugh. I have touched places that many people will probably never see, and most importantly, I have done this all with and through love. The love of friends, the love of things not meant to be, the love of my family, and of course the love of the path of my life that has taken me to this very point where I type from today.

Point is, it is true I envy those young woman the excitement of life yet to come, adventures to relish, and those first kisses that can never be duplicated. But yet, I am thankful that I am where I am today. Settled with my Son and love, happiest in my pj's and drinking a diet coke while eating a meal that I prepared with 2 men. Maybe envy is the wrong word, could it be, I miss at times the freedom to do whatever wherever. Instead of buying clothes to go out to the club in , I buy new gear for my 3 year old son and a practical workshirt for me with some groceries for the meal I will cook tomorrow.

The young me can't believe that this 31 year old me rarely goes out and when she does, can't wait to get home. heh. I used to believe that the weekend began on a wednesday night, the party wasn't over till the sun came up, and never knew the price of a beer.hehe. Man, have i changed since then.

Its amazing that that was my happiness, when now, my happiness comes from being close to my family, doing mundane things like eating together and playing outside with my hair in a raggy bun.

I guess even the party girl had to grow up..

But I still make 31 look good dammit..

ha.

cup runneth over..

2007-06-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

I feel that im in whirlwind.

I go from here to there and back again. I have been away from home for three straight weekends with no rest inbetween.

I love movement and I love to travel. I love the feeling of being busy and doing things that are constructive for my life.

But sometimes, man I just want to lay like a slug and watch some Judge Judy. I want to make playlist after funky playlist for my ipod, I want to see a movie by myself and eat nachos and drink a huge diet coke. I want to talk a walk by the canal and not bring my garmin. I want to go window shopping in Chandler and come out with my hands full of bags and no stroller. I want to watch all the seasons from Sex in the City wearing my glasses and a funky bun. I want to take a bubble bath with a Star magazine and stay until my toes are all pruny. "SIGH"

Being a mama and being me is damn hard. Reality check: I am a momma and myself..lol.

Its hard to balence my time with everything goin on in my life. If I do to much of one thing, I feel guilty for neglecting something else. I feel guilty at times when I run for more than an hour because it takes time from my family. Its so hard to find balence. Cause man, there are times when I need time just for myself without the constant motion. I need time with my Ladeez who remind me that I wasn't and am not always Mama..heh. I need time with my love to make us remember we aint just Mama and Dadddy too... I need time for my parents because I love them and want to spend as much time as possible with them for as long as I can. I need time for my competitive ass to get in the game. I need time time time time...

I really can't complain though, my life is so full right now, its overflowing.

In retrospect, I love love love love my life right now. I am full with friends, family, love, and happiness.

My cup runneth over, and I love it. I just have to slap myself sometimes to be thankful for this RED life..heh

Nite' before the Nite" before...

2007-06-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

I just finished making my "San Diego - remix" playlist, packed up my gear, and now drinking a water.

Its the night before the night before, and I am strangely calm. Not to say that i'm not shitting bricks, but that I am almost unaware that I am running some big miles in one day and one night. I feel detached from the whole thing, not scared necessarily, but maybe the word is, secure?

Maybe I have reached a point in my running that makes me feel as if I am able to do anything if I put my mind right. I have faith in my legs, the golden goddesses of steel that they are. I push aside the oddly shaped ball on my right foot, the strange stiffness in my left knee, and the much hated 5 lbs. I have put on (and no I do not think that's it muscle, darn.) I will not use these as excuses to do what I know I can do.

As stated before, I understand that pain is a necessary evil to this challenge. I know, I've been there. I put my mind to it and accept it. Mile 19 I will win.

Truth is, I feel excited to do this route which is brand new to me.

Truth is, I am scared that the hills will totally kick my no running hills ass.

Truth is, I put my faith in the "Man Upstairs" that he will help me get through this, and in the prayers that will be upon my shoulders to help me fly.

Truth is, no matter what, even if I have to crawl past that finish line in 7:30, I will finish.

Think of me on Sunday, .....Ill close my eyes and send you thanks.

Peace and BLessings..

dre

Back for good....

2007-05-25T01:23:00.001-07:00

How in the hells did I forgo the whole month of May?

Anywho..after a much needed rest and semi-retirement from blogging, I'm back, somewhat.

A lot has happened since March 21st, 2007, the last time I had blogged.

A bro got married, I had my hair curled resembling the Cowardly Lion from Wizard of Oz after his makeover, my Son turned 3!!!!, made good with a friend, registered for my third marathon, lost 2 lbs., etc. etc...

I'm currently stressing over this 26.2 I am to do next weekend.

I feel that in no way am I ready like I was ready in Jan. for PF Changs. For that marathon, man did I train. I had a planned and plotted training guide, carbo-loaded, and pushed myself to my limits. However, that marathon did not have the planned for effect of hitting my 4:20.

This time, I registered half-heartedly, mostly due to a high school graduation that was pushed to the following weekend which subsequently freed me up to do San Diego.

Here I go again...

My longest run to date for the marathon has been only a paltry slow-paced 18 miles down in 3:23 minutes. An average breakdown of 10:45? i think...

I haven't been stringent with my running like when I was the running nazi in the days of yore..heh.

This time has me slowing down the pace, taking walking breaks, and actually downing gatorade and gu during the run. Overall, I feel apprehensive and strangely detached from the fact that I will be hitting this marathon "loose". I feel in someways, unprepared for this run and yet resolved. My goal is just to finish, simply and to actually ENJOY THE RUN.

I want to do this run for me.

I want to run 10:30-11 minute mile pace for the entire run, to allow myself to stop and look around, to actually use a port-a-join and take my time if I have to (gross I know). I want to run this EASY....

I ain't gonna lie, I am freaking scared that I will not finish or give up. I have peeps all around telling me that I will do fine, they are confident in me that I will do well and complete the race. Myself, I know the feeling at mile 19 when you just feel that you can't go on any further, and the thought of 7 more miles cripples you and make you want to cry. I know the feeling of your body hurting but knowing intrinsically that it can finish, but mentally, oh my freaking goodness, mentally you just want to lay down and let the ambulance carry you away. I know the feeling of failure tapping you on your shouder and whispering to you, and the scared you pushing your hair aside so you can hear better. I'm freaking terrified but weirdly calm.

I feel strong, and more calm than I have ever felt before a race as big as this.

I am trying to trust in my legs, the goddesses of steel that they are. My mind is what I must build up and guide to believe in myself.

As the day nears, I stretch my old bones and pray for the guidance that HE has never failed to give me, and the strength that I know is withing myself, if I could just find it.

best laid plans?

2007-03-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

Tonite I hit up my easy 5 on the treadmill while watching Dr. Phil.

I reluctantly went off as I have a goal this week of hitting up at least 40 miles.

Monday I had an off day, or a momma day if you will. Groceries needed to be bought, Victorio's needed some park time, and Momma needed to cook.

Tuesday I hit up a loose 10 miles with my running bro Mrs. B. We chugged it out in about 2 hrs. 15 ? My Nike + didn't turn on and I forgot my garmin as we met up right after work.

So with today's easy 5. I have hit up 15 miles for the week.

I have a planned loose 5 mile run tomorrow, and a planned 12 mile long run on Friday nite.

I feel good with the runs. I have learned to go with the run and not push as hard as I once had.

I regret to say that I have pulled out of the San Diego Marathon on June 5th as D-man's little bro's high school graduation is that June 4th at least 3 hrs away. I guess I could still run it, but that weekend is scheduled to be family infused and I want to be a part of all the happiness.

I plan to hit up the Disneyland 1/2 Marathon in Sept., and am looking for a marathon in the fall. I plan to hit up PF Changs of course, however it is debatable if I will be doing the full. I will run at least the half, but if I do run a marathon in the fall, I don't know if my old bones can handle 2 marathons so close together. We shall see.

The best laid plans eh?

I will be running Pat's Run on April 7th in Tempe.

See you suckaz there? heh.

random thy name is dre

2007-03-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

My cely sux.

I think I may have dropped it or had it dropped (Victorio ..uh-humm), one time too many.

I text and I receive, although the time differences when text was sent and thus received puts a kink in the best laid plans when your cely is on permanent delay or never send or receive at all.

I just keep on texting and hope for the best.

I am told that I look like I am on a mini-typewriter when I am lost in my texting world. Just me and my crooked bony fingers on a little keyboard. I can even text using my pinkie ..heh.

Anywho, this is to my bros who think I have not texted them back when I really have and am awaiting your response to my witty repertoire.

On that note, I also wanted it to be known that I am not a bad speller, although my typed words up to this point allow for some debate on that topic. I am just a really bad typist with really bad patience and borderline ADD. I hate to waste time and think aww forget it, they get the gist of what I am saying. I was actually the top dude speller in grade school and junior high, beating out the bozos in 8th grade when I was a little 4th grade Dre. hehe. Oh the stories I could tell you.

I think maybe I judge peeps too hard. In fact, I know I do.

I am really bad at forming opinions of people with a first impression, hardly giving them a chance or any slack at redefining themselves in my eyes.

I know that my impression on peeps has been less then stellar as of late. I am in such a state of stress that I can't seem to erase the semi-permanent line on my forehead from frowning.

I have that hazy Apache mean stare on permanent rotation.

I forget at times that people have bad days, people get up on the wrong side of the bed, people are dealing with their own lives and "GASP" it isn't always about me and my little feelings. I can't help but be wrapped up in my own little tale of intrigue and heavy caffiene rages.

Point is, I am hard on people as I am on myself.

Its so hard for me to relax as I feel I am always "on". I have to take the trash out, I have to stay at work for that extra 16, I have to run that extra mile, I have to be "supermom", I have to use way too many italics. etc.

I need to go easy on people who are in my area. I need to step back and chill out at some point and know that its ok to let the phone ring, to not work out for an extra day, to zone out and ready $3 magazines.

I need to let people be who they are.

All I can change and control is myself, and my Son for a few more years.. heh.

Random, thy name is dre.

"slipping into darkness"

2007-03-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran in the darkness.

I rolled over and contemplated running. Originally that was my plan for 5a.m. I felt bad as yesterday I was unable to run due to some family emergencies that entailed me to run to Sac City and be there for a loved one. So I didnt' get home till 9 pm, hungry, tired and sweaty.

I awoke tired and achy in my arms and calves.

Monday I had taken my Kikass KIKBOX class for the usual hour, but this class had my calves shaking from fatigue and my arms were blown out from punching the hell out of the air. heh.

I dont' know what our teacher drank before this class, but man was she on fire. Good for me, bad for my puny arms and calves. Man, I mean I thought I was in some sort of shape, but this class just laid it all out there. Then at the end, it was semi-embarrassing as she had as doing this bootie dance/shake what your momma gave you move at the very end. It entailed shaking your bootie in and out while jumping up and down, thus burning out your calve muscles and making my runner's jello shake like it was gonna fall off. I couldn't even watch myself in the mirror it was so embarrassing. As a Native woman, I am proud to say that I don't have the dreaded Indian Butt, but as the same time I don't want to be shaking it for the whole entire WHITE LA Fitness to see..lol.

anywho..point is, I was tired.

Hit up the park at 530 am. Stretched it out for a bit, then took it to a light jog with my Garmin buzzing away that my ass was too slow. Took it up a notch and the buzzing stopped and my limps embraced the darkness.

No jams this am as my ipod died during the night, juiceless. Kinda pissed bout that but then it's always good to run sans music every once in a while. Its nice to hear the world waking up around you and to listen to your breathe take up the mornings rythm.

I took it out and rolled on in the darkness, taking a new path under some streetlights, illuminating the path with orange light. It was still so dark that at times it was hard to make out the path in front of me. I just hoped there was no big rocks that would make me eat dirt.

I ran this new path kinda giddy with not really knowing where I was going. Turned to a familiar path that ran down a canal that was pitch black and kinda scary looking.

Pushng myself into the dark I ran with a little thril of the danger. Stupid I know but that's kinda how I am..stupid enough to enjoy the thrill of a little danger. I had my shank ready to go, watchign the sides for any movement in which to run away from. Up and back with the light becoming bright e nough for me to see the path and not feel to edgy.

Back to the orange light I ran.

In total I ran 7 miles this morning in 1:03:37. 9:05 avg per mile with my fastest time being a 6:32 pace at one point.

I like running before the world wakes up.

1st impressions

2007-03-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

Last nite I was hella tired.

So tired and full of Momma's chicken & rice and homemade biscuits I justed wanted to veg on the couch and watch Young Guns.

Of course, I had to return Mom'z bowl or I would be dead, so I got my bootie up and walked the 50 ft. to her house to return the Kentuky Fried Chicken re-usuable bowl.

On my way there, I was trying to get my words right for a certain person in order to lighten the air around our one-word convo's. But it was not to be, the said person was being carried out the house which for some weird reason totally grossed me out. I think I even said, "GROSS" out loud for them to hear. Its always so weird to see that kinda of mess.

Anywho, the convo was not to be.

What I really want to say is that my first impression of you was less than stellar. You wrote me, I wrote you back with no promises. We go to where we would be, and no time was found to properly establish any kind of relationship, in any sense. Word got back to about things you had said about me and my business (practices) in an unfavorable light. I immediately felt repelled toward you. Of course, this was all second-hand info but was taken from very credible sources. I wrote you off as a child who knew no better, but I never forgot.

I still have not forgotton, hence the tension.

I want to clear the air so to speak, but sometimes I feel that I may go off in a direction that needs not be explored. Once I open this mouth, things I shouldn't say may come out because I know that I do have that meanness in me to hurt. Things that have piled on top of the old news that have made not just a mess, but a whole freaking dirty house.

I tolerate this tension because I have to.

Its not because I am scared to confront you, its because I'm scared of the words that may fall out in the wrong way.

Fugg it. Next time I see you, the truth will set me free.

ADD stream of conciousness

2007-03-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

Today I should be studying for my first accounting exam Monday, but instead I find myself reading a brand new library book, stalking people on myspace (heh such fun), and drinking Coke Zero. No church today though I should go, just found myself being a lazy bootie, listless with all the things stacked up that I need to do.

Instead, here I am, going back and forth between nibbling on grilled chicken, laying down on the couch, throwing away one article of trash each 1/4 hour and subsequently working myself up by a thought put back into my head by d-man about where said trash will be eventually put when we have no more places to put trash. On and on..yes this is like a slice of my brain. I go and branch off, get distracted, do something else, get refocused on what I was originally doing, then do something totally random like printing out one of several thousand pictures that I need to clear off my photo card. Blah

I think at times I may have ADD. My mind is constantly going..maybe today is a result of brain burnout. I feel physically worn out. My legs are sore in that oh so good way, you know, when its deliciously painful like when you get an itch that you scratch till you bleed cause if feels so good to keep scratching even though you know you shouldn't? ....i move and my body loves the movements little pains. Probably a result of our 10-miler that my sure goot running bro and I pushed ourselves too. Well I did, she was kicking some ass. I feel the stress of running the 10 against the wind and with a jacked up garmin. It was kinda cool as there was a "Heartwalk" going on at the lake so our usual parking spots were blocked off. We meet up at out favorite porta-john where a weird thing happened.

I don't know about you, but I'm the type of person who looks down before I sit down, if you know what I'm saying. heh. So, there I was, about to do my pre-running necessary ritual, when there glistening below me, was a messenger bag, piles of computer discs, and somoenes steamy remains. gross I know, but also really weird. I felt like I had stepped onto a crime scene. I backtracked out of there and told my bro about it, right as we were making our way back to it, the cleaner porta-jon dudes where dumping out the stuff. So, I don't know what that was all about,,,but it left a bad taste in my gut. Figuratively not literally.

Anywho, we ran and talked, ran some more. Slowed down due to my jacked up garming and lost precious minutes toward our stellar time, so we ended up running 10 miles in I believe 1:55? I have to text to see if I got the correct time. Not too shabby, but I was disappointed as I am super scary competitive and I beat myself down even when I really shouldn't. It was an easy long run, but I of course need to break a certain time. I suck.

Anywho, looks like a no go on the Shiprock 1/2 Marathon, my Lil Man's birthday is that Wednesday before the race, and his birthday party could only be on that Saturday of the race. So sad, I would love to compete among the Natives up north and see how my 1/2 O'odham/Apache bootie would stack up. Yes, super competitive I told you.

So, I need to take a shower and get ready for the Suns Vs. Lakers game that we so luckily are able to attend. I can't wait for my super mega pretzel and diet coke. Oh yea, and the game..LOL.

Peace....

almost pole dancing....

2007-03-01T17:36:00.000-08:00

As of today I have run 15 miles for the week at an average pace of around 9:05 minute/miles.

There, that out of the way.

My trip to Vegas was in no way standout, not in a bad way, but because it was so fun the entire way through.

We went to Paris, Mandalay Bay, Ceasar's (Niketown yo), Luxor, New York New York, MGM, and of course HOOTERS..lol.

We rode the New York roller coaster, laughed till I almost fell out of my chair at the George Wallace comedy show, had a non-alcoholic beer at Margaritaville, took a picture wth Quark from Star Trek, and almost pole danced at Jet at the Mirage (said with tongue in cheek). lol.

It was a much needed belated birthday get away for D and me. I know we had just visited Vegas in December, but this time without 13.1 miles looming over my head, I had such a less stressed and anxious time.

But, D and I did talk non stop about lil Man, couldn't help it, he is our 39 inches of joy. So it was happiness that I felt driving the 5 hrs. back to Scottsdale to our lil man. I seriously can't be away from him too long. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been away from him overnite. Sigh.

Hey BABEE lets go to Vegas..

2007-02-22T22:52:00.000-08:00

Run run run.

As of today, I have run a total of 16 miles.

Mon: 0 miles/NO class. Tired.
Tues: 7.17 miles in 1:05:07. 9:05 avg pace. Fastest pace at 7:29 sprint.
Weds: 4.03 miles in 37:22. 9:17 avg. pace.
+ 1 mile on the treadmill at 9:15 pace.
Thurs: 3.83 miles in 35:25. 9:15 avg. pace.

Total so far: 16. 13 miles.

Tomorrow I am leaving for Vegas. again. heh.

I plan to run at least 3 easy in the A.M., and hit up at least 25 miles for the week, but we shall see, I mean come on, its VEGAS.

Next week a planned 12mile run with my sure goot friend and then up and ready for the Valley Of The Sun 1/2 on March 11th. Whoo-hoo.

Peace out...

slowness for the masses...

2007-02-13T16:27:00.000-08:00

Just so peeps think I haven't been running.

You are slighty right..heh.

After the aftermath of the Marathon, I have sloooweeeed my bootie way down.

I have been averaging about 22 miles per week, down from the 35-40 miles per week training schedule I had for Pf Changs. I also run a lot slower. I average about 9 min/miles or slower.

Its nice to be kinda loose with my running, not so rigid with a schedule or keeping a tight pace. I find that now, I love running outside. The gorgeous weather, the wind in my face, the clean smell of the earth, and the soft squishy dirt at my toes.

I'm so strange at times because I fluctuate between loving the treadmill and loving the outdoors. I go back and forth in thinking that one is easier than the other. I am at a place where I feel the ease of the outdoors, but ask me that again when it gets to be 90 degrees at 5 a.m.

I am also at a place where running is easiest done in the early morning. I find myself waking up at 5 A.M., drinking strawberry-kiwi Propel, adjusting the running tights, and finding out where I'm feeling the earth. I usually run about 5 miles or less. Once in a great while I do six during the week. I would strive to run longer, however I need to limit my milege in order to make it home in time for D-man to go to work at 7 a.m. I love running in the morning right now, in a month, maybe not. Its just easier for me as it frees me up in the afternoons to spend time with my family and friends. Who doesn't love that? On top of all that goodness, it gives me a boost and good feeling all day. I feel like I did good for myself..ya know?

On the weekends, I have found a kik bootie running buddy who motivates me to run long on Saturdays. We have no real objective other than to run and finish whatever milegage we decided to do. We run and talk, and talk and talk. Heh. I have never had a running bro before..I usually love to run solo. So, in the beginning I was apprehensive about a running buddy. I must say that I was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying talking while running. Its hard to run and talk, but we are running at a slower pace which I know I need to do, but it makes the run go by even quicker. Its working out, and maybe soon we can add more runners to the mix for a run around Tempe Town Lake??....

Anywho, I am at a good place with my running. Not pushing myself to be Olympian Dre anymore..but more like back to the running that is soft and not so rigid. I run however far I want to, with a quick glance at my wrist and I speed up or slow down as my body tells me.

My heel is feelng no pain. I believe the relaxed runs have helped a great deal.

Like this morning, after a night of forced work after an employee flaked out at work, I awoke at 5 am. feeling the need for a run. Dressed in my tights, long sleeved tee, bandana and trusty Nikes, I was out the door in the drizzle darkness. I ran back inside thinking I would just wait for a bit, and then I thought, "since when am I a delicate flower?" lol.

So I grabbed my beloved SKIN hoody and made it to the track. I Loved the feel of wetness on my face and splish of my shoes hitting the ground. I ran 5 miles in the drizzle.

I love my running life right now.

showing my own ass

2007-02-13T15:57:00.000-08:00

Do you even meet peeps who you just wanna break it down to?

I know I've probs fit into this category at one time or another. I mean, who hasn't?

But seriously, there are those people who for some reason, exist in your little part of the world who you can't help but be in the mix with, but if you had your choice..you probably wouldn't want to know.

These are the people who seem to THINK they know everything and anything about a part of your life that in someway you share. Usually, they tend to be pretty young. I hate to think that I judge them too quick or at all, but you can only show your ass so many times until you believe thats all they have to offer.

Like I've stated before in a previous post, those who tend to believe that their way of living is the "only" way to live, tend to exist in worlds that don't have much experience in life.

I just get tired of biting my tongue when I see ignorance and bravado in a person who is old enough to know better but doesn't.

Who you just want to break things down to in a slighty mean way. Who you want to embarass cause they make your mean side come out.

I admit, I at times have the capacity in my soul to be black. I am human, and at least I can admit that to myself.

Its just certain people live in a fantasy world where black is black and white is white.

I just feel that if you are who you are, and you know your place in this world, you don't have to shove it down anyone's throat. You are not better than anyone else, you are not more deserving of certain things.

I am tired of existing with people who know all but know shit.

Blessed

2007-02-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

I dont care if someone doesn't believe in blessings from good places. I do.

I believe that I am blessed. I am blessed to :

* have felt the pain of heartache because that means I was and still am able to love.

* have pretty blue toenails, achy thighs, and 5 am wake up calls because that means that I have the abilty and the determination to run.

* have to buy 50 Christmas presents every year (and growing) because that means I have a big family who I love.

* have to go to work each and every morning because that means that I have a job and am able to help provide for myself and my family.

* have homework to do because that means I am getting an education.

I am blessed.

scales are wrong too..

2007-02-08T07:22:00.000-08:00

Since this is being my second attempt at this blog since blogger went crazy on me and decided to crash and burn last time around...

Here we go again..

Monday, bright and early at 6A.M., I ventured out into the darkness and seeked solace in a treadmill at my brandnew lifetime fitness facility.

I found the dreaded scale hidden in a corner behind the gatorade machine and proceeded to jump right on. To my horror, the scale did not catch at 140, no it went past 143, 144, 145..what fat duck I thought! It finally stopped at 148 lbs of fat!! I was so knocked on my ass at this number, I had to relive the torture all over again. Once again, the cruel numbers stopped at 148. I couldn't believe it, especially as I had felt that I had been losing weight, added to the face that that very last Tues. morning the week before, a scale (not this one) had revealed that I had weighed 141, indicating that I had been losing weight.

I got off the scale in a daze and blue funk.

I then proceeded to the treadmill and hit that sucka up with a force that was looking to erase that dreaded 7 lb. weight gain from the week before. As I pounded and sweat out my frustrations, I mentally went over in my head where I had gone so wrong. I had been eating good, exercising, blah blah.

After that, my whole day was shot. It took all I had to stop myself from running to my good old reliable scale at the Salt River Rec.

I made it through the day and ended up at the SR Rec. I was so scared that I made myself bike for 2 miles and walk a mile before I let myself see the dreaded numbers.

Up my sweaty bootie went, to reveal 140.5 lbs.!!!!

I had lost .5 pounds from last week, for a total of 3 1/2 lbs of flab gone off my beautiful body.heh.

I was so relieved and happy that I drank a coke zero.

I weighed myself again last nite, and the scale revealed 139.5!

Another lb. left somewhere not on my body..

130 here I come.

Peace yo..

sure goot frenz

2007-02-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been having headaches as my head seems to be going 100 mph toward the future.

Im planning out my future runs, schedules for my Son, our family activities, my renewed status as Student, etc.

I had the pleasure of running either 7 1/2 miles or 8 with a lovely Native fellow runner who I had become acquainted with via email and text messages. We meet up at Tempe Town Lake early in the a.m., stretched and walked a good 1/2 mile just talking before we realized our Garmin's were juiced out.

We ran and ran, stopped about mile 5 to take a potty break and talked the entire freaking run. I have never talked and ran for 8 miles in my entire life! I felt self-concious as when we were gabbing, she seemed to breathe effortlessly, while I had to push out the words and stuggle. We ran fairly easy, I'd say about 10 min/miles? or slower? We really had no idea even when we started or finished..we just ran that sucka. I was feeling no pain, nor when we did stop did I feel like it was a stuggle, do I just have jacked up lungs?

Anywho..It was so great to meet someone and just click. I am really glad that I made an aquaintence a new friend.

Its weird, but in this past couple of months, I feel as if I have expanded my circle of friends in a great way. Of course, there are my friends that are my GIRLS, been there for me through thick and thin, know me and all my dirty crazy secrets, where we will be old ladee'z laughing in the sunset with our silver hair and iced tea (well one with no ice). heh. But lately, its as if I've meet WOMEN who are in sync with me. We mesh and relate one some level that makes me want to know more, and think to myself, this is someone who I would love to get to know better. They intrique me.

In my younger days, there were the friends that you partied with, hell you know what I mean. Those were your party friends, the ones who you swore were your bros, the ones you called on Friday nite (and ok Weds. and Thurs as well) and said where we going? Later, after you calm your fast ass down, you realize that it was all an appearance. Those are not the people who would give you a shoulder to cry on, a bucket to throw up in sure, but they were not in the true sense of the word, a "friend".

Even now, I get the word on them every once in a while. I will always embrace the crazy times we had and take them out of my file in my head to look at, smile, and shake my head at. We will always be cool, we may even hang out once in a while, but they are not who I call when I need someone who will just let me be me.

In this crazy world, I have my friends that I have known and who have known me since my days in San Carlos, they will always be my bros. I have my friends who I met in college and are living in this world as mothers, wives, scholars, professionals, and we will always be cool, and now, I have this great circle of friends who are WOMEN, and who I can text with crazy abandon and meet for lunch and even go out with once in a great while, who are and will always be there for me.

I love this part of my life where I have these opportunies to meet such great people and am able to have them be a part of my life.

Thank you to those who touch my life and make it shine even brighter. You are LOVED!

weighty matters.

2007-02-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

Its 3am and I just wolfed down some wheat thins.

Im hella hungry as I haven't eaten since 3 pm.

Yes I am still on the road to being 10 lbs lighter, and no thats not why I haven't eaten.

You see, before the "Mommy" title was given to me, I would eat no matter what. Come hell or high water, nothing was keeping me from a meal. Now, Mommy being my second name, sometimes you have to sacrifice eating time in order to coincide with plain time.

Today was rush rush. Off to work, rush to daycare, rush to make sure Son eats, baths, dresses and goes potty, again. Rush to finish work, rush to get supplies for work, rush to the bank 3 times in one day, rush to the post office, rush back to the bank, rush off to pick Son up from school cuz he's sick, rush to run home to scarf down some wheat things and grilled chicken. Rush off to class. Rush to walmart to get groceries , rush home to spend at least a little time with the fam, pass out from exhaustion. Wake up at 3 am cause those damn wheat thins don't cut it.

I can't lie though, I love being busy. I always have. If I just sit there, knowingly trying to relax and just sit and watch T.V. I can't. I have to multi-task. I'll pick up a book, clean up Boy's toys, sweep, dust, go on the internet and listen to the T.V., organize my filing, spray around some Lysol.

I blame my Mom. I fit her pattern. She is such a hard worker, always moving, always fidgeting, always.

Anywho, on my quest to be 10 lbs lighter, I have achieved being 8 lbs. lighter. heh.

When I began my quest for less fat, I weighed in at 143. Whoa. I could bore you with all these excuses for why I weighed 143, but let's be real, I was 143 and no excuses can account for the fact that thats what I weighed, end of story.

ANywho, I know weigh as of 1/30., 141. I haven't had a chance to weight myself since then at the same time. According to my research, when weighing yourself, you should do it at the same time in the morning after you take a pee and before you eat anything.

Realistically, I want to weigh 13o lbs.

When I had pneumonia last summer, I was down to about 134. People said I looked sick and drawn, well maybe because I actually was sick, but peeps said I looked like I had a lollipop body. Gee thanks.

I have always carred my weight pretty well, with peeps thinking that I weigh less than I do. I don't know if thats because have really heavy hair, get muscley pretty quick, or carry a lot of my weight around my waist.

I had gotten my BMI measurement before, and it says that I am in the lower end of the healthy/athletic spectrum. Meaning, Im in pretty good shape and no where near obese. BUT, at 5'6 ( NO NDN MODEL LIES heh), and 141 I want to be lighter and cut down on the waist expansion and jiggle factor. I love love my legs, like my arms, hate my torso area.

I can still fit into my pre=preggers pants. Fit yes, feel comfortable? Not quite there yet..lol. It's true what they say, your body changes after a baby.

In a recent discussion with a boy bro, somehow we got to talking about post-preggers weight. He said he thought I had lost the weight pretty quick, which I was surprised about then got to thinking..are you saying I was fat before..lol.

Now that the marthon is done, and my long runs no longer consist of 12 + miles for right now, I can back up off the carbo loading for a bit. I mean, I love me some carbs, its just when you run 35-40+ miles a week, carbs are a big and necessary part of your diet.

Now that I am down to 24 miles or less, I don't have to stuff and force down carbs all the time. I have begun to shop healthier for myself, yogurt, cheerios, fruit, grilled chicken, salads, WATER, wheat thins (which I know aren't that good for you but I love em), popsicles, and carrots. I try not to fall into my pitfall of eating at 3am at night, a fallback from nursing Victorio. I try to eat breakfast now, actually make myself drink water, and make concious decisions with my meals.

It seems to be working and overall which leads me to feel healthier and leaner.

I will try to get to a reliable scale in the A.M. I feel confident that it will give me good numbers.

Peace.

give it all to get it all...

2007-01-31T06:09:00.000-08:00

After the rain the sun does shine.

Many people look at my life and think that I have it made. I have my Son, I have my family, I have security, I have enough money to get me by, I have love, I have my health.

But sometimes, the picture isn't always as rosy as it appears. Just like everyone else in this world, I have/had my ups and downs. I have allowed myself to wallow in my pain, but at the same time, I have also picked myself up (sometimes with the help of my bros) and kept going.

You can look at someone and not see the pain they hide, the secrets they keep.

At this point in my life, I can truly say I am happy. So happy that I wake up feeling joy in my heart, bursts of happiness that erupt in big smiles and kind words. I think that a lot to do with this, is the fact that I had to be humbled to get to this point, to truly appreciate my life and all that it holds.

Last year at this time, I wasn't so happy. I deluded myself into wrapping myself into a cocoon of denial and putting a stamp on it that this is my life, happy or not, deal with it. I emerged from that dark place with the love of my family, my friends, and myself.

I believe I forgot my worth. I lost myself in my life for a second, I lost my identity. I was so consumed with being a "mom", that I forgot that I am and will always be, Dre. All my goodness and all my badness, my crazy past and my unknowable future are all coponents of what make me me. I am more than a mother, although that is a big part of my life, I am also still a woman who loves tatoos, gettting rowdy at concerts, loves the feeling of a cussword on the tip of my tongue, drinks oj right from the container, and who is still fallible. I believe that I can never be the perfect mother or person, but I sure as hell can try.

I emerged from this dark place allowing myself to be humbled enough to open my heart and be truly vulnerable. To allow the innermost part of my soul to be exposed and give it all, with no regard for pride. I had to give it all to get it all.

I had to put down my stupid pride that says I dont need nothing from nobody, I can do it all myself. Truth is, thats a load of bullshit. Sure, you could do it all yourself, but if there are people there to nurture you, to love you, to help you when you really need it, whats the point of shouldering it all alone?

Point is, sometimes you have to put everything on the line, put down all your defenses, to allow yourself to be happy.

God has a reason for everything, even though I still think he's got a jacked up sense of humor at times.

family ties

2007-01-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

No Church today, no dinner either. No real weight issues, just cheese pizza and a mega groceries from Safeway.

Was thinking of hitting the sweet dirt today, but the day slipped through my fingers too quick and before I knew it, darkness was here.

Not that I totally lazed out, we did move out V man's crib and made room for his brand new Cars bed, cleaned out a lot of junk, boxed it up, and moved it on to the spare, attended my beautiful neice's 17th and finally got to deliver my belated Christmas presents to my sisters and nephews and neices..

I love my Family. I feel bad that at times I don't see them enough. Its crazy to see my neices and nephews become older and have deep voices and boyfriends and styling gel in their hair. Its crazy to think that I am a grandmother, my oldest sister has a daughter who is 10 years younger than me with a Son who in our way, is my Grandson. How I love that title.

I am glad that I have that closeness with my family that is so huge, but sad that my family is so huge that there are many people that I am not close too. On top of that, we're talking two different tribes here...so take into account all that intails with tribes that span different bands, clans, and states. Whew.

My brain hurts from watching body parts fly in Saw 3 then following that with Dane Cook's stupid bootie....Im out.

flabby but kickin..

2007-01-23T06:14:00.000-08:00

I am so sore.

Last nite I hit up the gym and took my first kickboxing class in like 6 mos? I remembered how intense the class was/is, and I was so looking forward to sweating some buckets.

Luckily, at this time of year I was able to secure a spot near the front in order to view my flexing muscles (hah). Usually, at the La Fitness the first of the year is flooded with first time gym goers eager to lose some weight, meet resolutions, etc, but by this time...they kinda all fade away. Hence, the not so tightly packed room. I saw my reflection in the mirrored walls and kinda was noticing my pudge around the midsection. I tried to remember if I had looked like this the last time I had taken this class, and I didnt remember feeling the revulsion and disgust that I did at that time, nor the sucking in of the gut that I was currently doing amid all the skinny minnies with their sports bras and lycra capris.

Now, I have been pigging out since the marathon last weekend, and being a sloth compared to my usual activities. Fast food has been my best friend and worst enemy this past week.

I haven't weighed myself in a minute, but the last time I did, I was at 138. I believe now I weight a wee bit more than that but I'm scared to climb on a scale.

Like I had stated previously, I STILL want to lose at least 10 lbs. to get down to 130. I feel flabby and fat. I hate that feeling. Maybe a lot has to do with being inactive for a week compared to how my training was up until the marathon. Maybe its just exercise/goal letdown, ya know, now that I have completed my marathon I'm kinda lost with no exercise goal to get to.

However, I do want to tone up. I still have definition in my arms and leg that I can see, its my midsection that needs major work. Having a kid can do that to you. heh.

At least the kickboxing class is a step in the right direction, working out muscles I haven't in a while.

That class kicked my ass, and I am currently so sore right now. After the class, I had to pick up Victorio out of the daycare and I almost couldn't lift him and carry him all the way to the car as he was in a dead sleep. My arms were shaking and felt like they were going to give...I love that kinda sore feeling.

My right heel still is feeling some pain, but not enough to keep me from working out. I talked to another Native runner ladee who totally kicked ass at the marathon running a 3:40!!, and she said that it sounded like it was a heel spur and reccommended acupuncture! She had had heel spurs before and stated that the cortisone shots did not help, but then she got turned on to acupuncture and it is totally gone. Hmm, I might just do it.

Anywho, that is my public goal. To tone up, lose at least 10 lbs and train for my third marathon in San Diego June 3rd. I plan to hit up a couple of halfers before that, the Valley of the Sun 1/2 Marathon on March 11th, and possibly the Shiprock 1/2 Marathon in May.

See you there?

missing an old friend..

2007-01-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't run in almost a week.

I've been eating greasy food in an abudance as well as beans, YUM.

I feel really fat.

I have this unrealistic thought that my beautiful purple velour pants I have on right now are getting a wee bit tight. Or is it realistic? lol. I dont know, but Im getting worried.

I miss the run yo.

I tease myself with the prospect of going outside and sliding on my 400+ mile shoes with a slick braid and dirt on my calves. But then I say nah.... I need to rest, and I ain't gonna lie, being a lazy bum who watches My Super Sweet Sixteen on VHI and bids on ebay with abandon while guzzling diet coke is a sweet sin.

Tomorrow peeps, I feel the need to hit some earth and feel the sweat sting my eyes. Im gonna just run, no tunes, no Nike+ to monitor my run, just embrace my old friend and give it a big bear hug.

Oh how I've missed you old friend.

4:40:17

2007-01-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

Today I have a red chappy face, couple of blisters on my toes, major red isssues near my nostrils, and two achy thigh muscles, but one jubliant feeling of happiness!!

Yesterday I ran my second marthon in 4:40:17. 4 seconds faster than last year, heh. Not my hoped and intended for 4:20, but I am so happy that I finished and at least 4 seconds faster.

The morning was so cold! I believe when we started the temperature was at 27 degrees? Personally, I really didn't feel the cold, not even when I squatted among the parked cars in the parking lot 20 minutes before the race, my bare ass didn't care, and didn't feel it. I think I was so amped for the start and the actual race, I was buzzing with anticipation and nerves.

We got there after the delay in shi'ma braiding my hair, taking it apart, and rebraiding again cause she wasn't happy with it (heh). Had about 20 minutes to hit my corral, hence the squatting in the parking lot, and with a bad omen of thinking I had purchased eye drops the night before to lubricate my contacts at Target, but instead buying lens cleaner which I stupidly put in my eye so I was left with a burning,swollen, red, puffy eye right before we parked..oh joy.

Luckily I used my water to flush out my eye which I then proceeded to get all over my shirt and shorts, which with the cold ass weather wasn't a good way to go.

I had packed an old ratty pair of black sweats that I have owned for about 10 years to wear over my shorts if I had to, until the start of the race. D suggested I put them over my cold wet shorts to offer some sort of warmth, so I did.

I had on my red bandana, white long-sleeved Nike dri-fit tee, my brick red Under Armor running shorts, my black ratty sweats, my trusty and trusted race sox that I wear for every big race, and my semi-new Nike+ Air Max's from my love...perfect.

Got to the corral and jumped in line. Got situated and plugged into my Nike+ system, kissed my loves, did my thing with the Man Upstairs, shook out my legs (but didn't have time to stretch), and before I knew it ...we were off.

Jogged easy and light down the line, crossed the Start and heard the chip go buzz. Eased into a9:20 pace..

(sorry..my Son needs me ..more later)

------------Back in this...

so anyway..off we went with a quick wave to Ms. Mary Kim Titla on the side, who I understand ran the 1/2 Marathon? It all went so fast, I wasn't feeling the cold, and I didn't have time to peel off my sweats so I just kept trucking.

Mile one was up with a quickness, peeps passing me left and right as I tried to maintain my 9:30 pace and slow down the adrenaline running through my veins telling me to go faster. Pretty soon, the 4:30 pace group leader was running by my side, holding up her sign. I freaked out when I saw her as I was still pacing myself with the 4:20 finishing time. I speed my ass up, big mistake, and floored it to a 9:05 pace.

Mile 3 had us face to face with some big mega signs that we were all running to hell. Nice, real inspring guys. I said as much to this ladee running next to me. Shook my head and moved on. By this point, I was feeling a slight dull ache to my side. I tried to not think about it and just push through. I believe we also ran right by the Frybread House which I had to look directly at as a lil good luck charm..corny I know.

I believe the dull ache might have been caused by this brand new energy drink I had that mornig on the way to the run, not too smart to try out new things the day of the marthon.

Anywho, before I knew it, we were turning to our right, onto mile 6 and only 20 more miles to go.

to be continued..

The bend in the road gave me hope for what was to come ahead. Even this early, I was having doubts in myself. Physically I felt fine, a slight pull in my side, runny nose, but it was mentally I was feeling shaky.

Made it on to Mile 10 with a quick glug of my GU, with surprise surprise no stop, just a slowing down and a quick swish of H2o.

Pushed past the crowd with carried me during this mental battle and prayed like I had never prayed before.

Mile 13 had me dashing by my parents with a quick handoff of gatorade and new gel packs. I walked a bit to drink down the gu and gatorade (that accelarde stuff they were giving out sucked ballz). As soon as I stopped, my right heel started up with the stabbing pain. It came out so fast that it pushed me to run with a limp. When walking with it, it hurt worse than to run, so off I went, tossing my gatorade to the side and tried to get the boogers under control.

Mile 20 I ran to my loves, a salty, sweaty, boogery, bushy mess. Stopped for a quick second to give Son a kiss, but when I bent down to lay one on him, my right thigh started to cramp up...had to move on and start running again.

Mile 25 had me running with my brother again. Me whispering to him that I wanted to stop, I was so tired and so beat down...I just wanted it to be over.

Mile 26.2 had me smacking that fugging finish line with my feet. POUND POUND..your out sucka!!

At the end, I was greeted by my Godfather (who I didn't even know was going to show up and made me cry), my parents, my brother, my D and my Son....as well as later on my LADEE'z witha quick bootie sign that read," KIK BOOTIE REDLADEE".

I did it...

My second marathon. Come June..Ima do it all over again. Am I crazy ?

IM A BITCH

2007-01-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

This piece of shit computer fucking sucks.

I have written at least 5 blogs on here but they have all been deleted by this fucking computer.

Sorry im cussing so much but dammit..Im PISSED!!

HERES MORE THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF:

1) using every excuse in the book to get you off from doing something that you dont really want to do. SUCK IT UP.

2) COmputers that suck ballz.

3) Having to wait for the treadmill at LA FITNESS for those stupid suckas that are only walking for 10 minutes.

4) PMS. (which is the excuse for this rage..see im also a hypocrite and I cant freaking spell)

5) Having 50 channels on TV and nothing to watch.

6) Being a packrat and having to go through boxes of junk that I cant throw away.

7) My anger. I suck balls ..(yes I admit it)

8) Cheap Native jewelry..I know what stringing cheap shit looks like.

9) Peeps who whine and complain about shit they can change. (yes I am included in that)

10) Having to buy new work shoes and things I need but never having enough freaking time to do anything.

Whew...feel much better now.

2007-01-09T06:36:00.000-08:00

im still running..
but im runing late.
more to come later..

Promise..

recap

2007-01-05T06:32:00.000-08:00

I know I've been ducking and dodging my beloved home here on the web.

Like everyone else, I have a life outside of these typed words, and yes, I've been lazy.

Its so much easier to read other's words then to leave an impression of my life.

Here's a quick recap..

1) Christmas was spent with my beloved's family in Califas, which we spent an entire 7 days with. The weekend of Christmas we spent in Reno and had a freaking blast!! It was so cold but we all had so much fun. Baby V had some much needed time to spend with his cousin's and grandma and poppa, and Daddy and I had mucho fun on the casino floor..lol.

-I ran 10 miles in Reno and almost passed out. I believe the elevation was like 6500 if not 7000 feet and man was I freaking tired! But I did it.
-I ran a total of 21 miles in D'z hometown, elevation of 6000 feet. I so rock.

2) New Years my Mommacita watched Son-boi as we went out for a night of debauchery..
Good times at Urbaninjun.com 's event at 1 am, but we had spent most of the night at this other spot with D'z sure goot fren'z...I loved my kiss at Midnite..toast to a brand new hopefull new year!!

3) Son-boi finally got into the daycare program here in Salt River!!! After two freaking years...he's in! I am so excited for him to start, but scared that it will take him a bit to get adjusted....my lil man is growing up!! The program out here on the REZ is tailored to incorporate physical activity, healthful eating, the traditions of the O'odham, and of course advanced pre-school activities!! Not to mention we'll be paying way less than we were at his daycare off the rez....

4) Tobacoo tax that was voted and approved of went into effect for the rest of Arizona, however, debate was left upon whether it was applicable to the tribes. After 2 and a half weeks of waiting, upon which a retro tax that MIGHT BE applied to the tribes was hanging over our heads, the Attorney General of AZ decreed that the tribes were not to be taxed!!! YEA....a major and totally unexpected plus for the tribes!! Right now, we're eating up the money that this tax break has given us as a smokeshop, however, it looks like in the long run, the tax will have to be paid one way or the other....THE MAN gives it to the TRIBES every time..

5) Saw DREAMGIRLS the other night with shi'ma. JENNIFER HUDSON blew me the F away. !!!

She had me crying not once, but two times in the movie theatre and had me clapping my hands like I was at a live show at the end of every song and when here name appeared on the credits. She is the type of singer that gives you chills....she is a STAR!!

6) My heel had been hurting me. Deep inside like a knife has been stabbed in the center. Luckily, it has been feeling better, but I am worried as how my heel will be feeling at mile 20 next weekend for the big 26.2. I've heard plantar facilitis(?) and heel spur. I dont know really, I just want it to go away.

My last long run of 8 miles is to be hit this SUnday...anyone wanna run with me?

Just a quick recap..ill get back into it as the week progresses.

Peace and LOVE...

15-20 MPH WInds suck BALLS!

2006-12-11T06:29:00.000-08:00

Here is a quick recap about Las Vegas 1/2 Marathon that took place Dec. 10th, 2006.

6:00 AM

Partly Cloudy 50°F

50°F

37°F

61%

10.0
miles

29.82

From S
15mph

Sunrise at 6:41 AM

7:00 AM

Partly Cloudy 50°F

50°F

34°F

54%

10.0
miles

29.82

From SSW
16mph

8:00 AM

Mostly Cloudy 52°F

52°F

32°F

47%

10.0
miles

29.86

From SW
20mph

...and that is the race report for the start time ...and my subsequent hours spent running headfirst into the wind and cold freaking air..lol.

I got the info off of weather.com for yesterdays temps as I wanted to get the actual official word on how freaking windy it was.

In order to introduce you to my time for yesterday: 2:08:24 official chip time.

Within that time, I took 3 walking breaks. Once, for my gu packet and water at Mile 7.5, Mile 9 for water, and Mile 12 for Gatorade..total time of about a minute and a half??

I feel good about the race, I felt strong the first 6.5 miles, then we got knocked around like a punching bag by the wind. It was so physically strong that I felt it actually push me back for a quick second when it would first hit.

Anywho..that wonderful 2:00 still eludes me but DAMMIT, I will hit it up soon.

I actually didn't do too shabby for my age division, 161 out of 700. That tells you how the weather messed up a lot of peeps.

BTW, did I mention how freaking COLD it was the whole run? I had to wear my running tights and long sleeve Under Armor top, and of course my RED BANDANA to cover my ears. I was going to throw on my gloves, but in the hoopla of the start of BOTH THE 1/2 MARATHON AND MARATHON START (WHICH STARTED TOGETHER), I spaced out and had to cover my hands with my sleeves.

LOL, at the end of the race, my shirt was covered in shick aka loogies from my faucet nose and coughy mouth. My face looked like a white raccoon from all my salt sweat..I was oh so lovely. HEH.

More to come later....

I still rock..

heh.

No worries..

2006-12-05T22:52:00.000-08:00

Im sick as a dog. Well Im getting better at least..

Have this dry cough that hurts my abs (at least they're getting a workout), scratchy throat, headache, and achy body.

6 hr day at work yesterday and an hour at work today before they sent me home.

Ive been drinking Nyquil like I was a wino.

Hence, no running for two days.

I believe that 20 miler on Sunday took more out of me than I thought, especially as I was already feeling the the sickness trying to woo me.

No worries though, I will be ready to kick some ass on Sunday in Vegas.

Im so fly. heh.

1:31:32

2006-12-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

NIKE + was right!

I hit up a PR for the IRONGIRL 10 miler this past Saturday.

1:31:32 is my official chip time. Not far from what my Nike+ system had me down for.

I took off 5 minutes from my 2005 time.

check it out... www.irongirl.com

Im so happy Im dancing..even though I cough while I do it.

Vegas Im gonna smack that ASS!!!

20+10+ 12.42 = 42.42 miles

2006-12-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

Today I ran my 20 miles.

2:57:51.

Add to that the total of about 7 minutes where I paused my Nike + system to use the potty, glug some sick Vanilla Powergel that almost made me throw up (it tasted like straight-up frosting yo), and to drink some gatorade.

So that equals to about 3:04:51.

Nice. Especially factoring in my cold. I swear, my nostrils were like a faucet that someone forgot to turn off. I'd breathe and they'd leak. I was rewarded with a nice rudolph like nose. Pretty.

I also have a windburn that hurts when I smile. I feel like those botoxed women who can't have any facial expressions, except my paralysis is self-imflicted as it hurts.

Add to my list of woe-is-me delight is my poor achy legs. I forgot to stretch again heh.

I averaged about 9"01 minute miles. I like that pace. In fact, I felt so good running tonite that I felt like I could have actually run 26.2 all the way, if I had to. heh.

I rewarded myself with some diet coke, gatorade, and french fries. I am so healthy. lol.

I did all this eating only a bowl of Ramen and some tortilla chips with salsa (the Pima cure for a cold).

I laughed as I read a blod tonite..it asked the question," How many bones pop when you get up in the morning?"

The person answered," Im not that old."

But I am, heh, this morning in fact I heard my rotator cuff, my knee (like always), my hip, my neck, and my elbow make sweet music.

In a day, I pop my knee(s) realistically about 20+ times a day. I think I have a problem with them but I refust to address the question.

I feel good, and tired, and coughy, and achy, and relieved that I don't have to run tomorrow. heh.

IRON this ...

2006-12-02T16:05:00.000-08:00

This morning at 9am I braved the 45 degree temp and ran my little REDLADEE heart out..heh.

The night before I had indulged with an O'douls and good convo with my homiez at Oregano's down the way. All day I had been battling a head cold that was trying to ensnare me in coughs and itchy throat, but I said no to its flirtations and acted like I didnt' hear its lines.

However, I didn't realize that Oregano's was outdoors with lil illy space heaters that did good for the top on part of my head, but did nothing for my lowerback or legs that were starting to ache. And like a dumbass, I had worn a shirt that was slightly cropped so that my back was exposed to the cold draft and my ass was numb. In the hopes of some sort of style, I had also worn a jacket that was more about "look" than about "warmth." I also didn't realize that the night had gone on without me and it was 11:30 when we departed.

Good nite with the homiez, bad though for my scheduled 10 miler the next morning. Oh well, I felt ready and able., so I really wasn't too stressed about it.

Upon returning to my mudhouse (heh), found the two loves of my life still awake and ready to party..lol. Stayed up till 1 am doing my playlist for the run, creatively entitled," IRONGIRL 06". Crashed.

Woke up the next morning at 7:15 am. Not to shabby, everyone else was still asleep, so I grabbed a Propel and settled down to a wake-up call of "MY SWEET SIXTEEN" on VHI. I got so engrossed in the show that 8:00 was there before I knew it and I was running late.

Pulled on my old-standby running shorts, pulled on my top, laced up my shoes, and grabbed my ipod after the stupid computer wouldn't let me download my playlist, and I was off. I told D-man to just meet me at the race as I wanted them to sleep in.

Peeled off down the dirt road, but then discovered I didn't have my gel with me and I needed a longsleeve shirt as it was hella cold. Back to the house I went. Grabbed a longsleeve cotten T, my gel, and was off again.

I was going to go to the Chevron down the street to grab a powebar and maybe a banana, but my forgetfull bootie killed those plans. I wasn't too worried as I wasn't very hungry because of my stuffiness and sore throat. I figured my gel would have to cut it. Besides, I felt good.

Got to Tempe Town Lake and it was mobbed! 20 minutes and counting till the start and I had to freaking pay $5 bucks just to park, so I made my own spot and ran for the registration. I had already pre-registered but I had to pick up my number and my chip. Got there, picked up both my chip and number, but my fingers had me fumbling with the safety pins as it was freaking cold and my ass was nervous, as always before a race.

10 minutes till go time, and I had to freaking go! I tried to find a short line to the porta-johns but to no avail. Damn..5 minutes. I still had to stretch (ha ha), load my ipod, and retie my shoe. Damm...

Now, I know the layout of Tempe Town Lake pretty well as I had shot there before and have run here many times as well. I knew there was a secret spot just off to the left of the starting line underneath the bridge. I nonchalantly siddled over, looked around, and made my own porta john, REZ STYLE.

Lightened and kinda ready to run, I jogged back to the start line, getting questioning looks from the other runners. hehe.

The start line was hella packed, enough so that I was smelling other peeps stank morning breath..eww. I tried to loosen up, but the mob was pressing on me and the low buzz from all the women's voices was messing up my mellow vibe.

Before I knew it, we were off, and as usually follows a big event like this, I was still walking. Passed the chip buzzed/start line and I had moved it up to a sloowwwwww jog, finally about .23 in the crowd had broken up enough to up the pace to where I should be at.

Mile One had be ducking and dodging the chicas in the race that were slowing down my flow, and those whose peeps flow I was slowing down passed me..heh. Evenflow. Still packed enough for me to jump off the concrete path and take the grassy route.

Mile Two was on the bridge already hitting up a water station. I learned my lesson with that mess. I have a tendency to drink too m uch water when I run a race, as my body is not used to taking so much WATER, I tend to get stomach cramping and overall gross stomach problems. I bypassed the station and glided down to the path on the side of the lake an by the old CLUB RIO (pours some out).

Mile Three was under the bridge on the otherside of the lake, and I had spied a woman who I thought was gonna power down soon. She was kinda hefty, had a funky stride, and ran like she was covering more ground side to side than back to front. Funny this is, she totally kicked my ass! I was behind her most of the run, catch up to her a few times, then she would power up and run off, at the end, she beat me by 30 seconds. Whew...never judge a book by its cover.

Anyway, Mile Four was on a steady slighty incline up to Priest Dr. By this time, I was running almost solo, up ahead and back below were the peeps. I felt good and was keeping time with my ipod which was not playing the playlist I selected, Boo.

Mile 5 was back to the beginning of the race..I felt strong and able to tackle the last 5 miles like cake. Waved to peeps and checked the crowd for my men...easy sailing.

Mile 6 was back to the bridge...4 miles babee. Here I was breathing hard and trying to get back in control, coming up to the bridge was an incline that I used to push myself faster to pass some chicas, but had me running almost ankle deep in some loose rocks. On top of that, my zhiccc(mucus) was not coming up. I kept clearing my throat and trying to suck it out so I could have a clear breathing path, but it was like I had a saranwrap cover over my windpipe. It would not come loose. Those poor ladies around me, had to duck and dogdge what I could get to come up as well as my loose nostrils. Sigh, It was getting tough.

Mile 7 had me finally stopping for some Gatorade and my lone Powergel Packet of Pure Energy. I had felt my energy dropping down from lack of anything to make me go, I knew my Gel packet would help me out. Took it down as fast as I could and drank some gatorade with a quickness and I was back on the trail. I really hated to stop, but I knew I needed the packet and I have a tendency to choke on anything while running.

Mile 8 right before the bridge. I was feeling good from my gel, and my legs were on their doing their thing on their own. I was feeling a bit tired at this point..anxiously imaging myself crossing the finish line and drinking some diet coke...yum.

Mile 9 on the final stretch. Passed more peeps on the last mile, and some passed me, wound up the slight hill to finish it off, and then bam. We didn't turn to the left like on the 5mile loop, we headed straight into the finish line. Sweetness.

I hit the last buzzer over the finish line mat in 1:33:10 clock time.

I have to wait until the official chip time's are displayed on the irongirl.com website. According to my Nike+ system, I finshed in 1: 33:00. Hmm.

Im proud of my time which I believe will be 3 minutes better than last years, and with a cold and little in the way of food. I rock.

No matter ...Im feeling good and ready for Las Vegas babee..

Except for now, my legs are achy and my head cold has grabbed me in a headlock. Just chugged down some Nyquil and waiting for the drowsiness to hit me.

I NEED to run my 20 miles tomorrow...damn.

Guess I have to push through this and suck it up.

RUN FOR SOMETHING..

2006-11-29T21:50:00.001-08:00

DAGOTE/SUG GIAG.

I am raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society as a participant in Make
Cures Happen and I'm asking you to help by making a contribution. Each donation
helps accelerate cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma and brings hope to the
patients and families who are on the front lines of the battle against these
diseases.

Please use the link in this email to donate online quickly and securely. You
will receive a confirmation by email of your donation and I will be notified as
soon as you make your donation.

On behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, thank you very much for your
support. I really appreciate your generosity!

You can learn more about my efforts and make a donation by visiting the
following Web site:

http://www.active.com/donate/mcharizona/REDLADEE

Last year I ran for myself, this year I want to run to help others.

I set up this page with the hope that other Native and Non-Natives would donate to this important cause in order to help with ease the suffering of these people battling these diseases.

I guess what really got to me was the children. Being a mother now myself, my heart goes out to those children and families that must Battle this disease.

When I was in 8th grade, I had a really close friend pass on from Leukemia.

I shy'd away from her as I didn't really know how to come to terms with her disease. She was so strong, even till the end.

I have though to of her on and off through the years, what she would of been and how much she would of accomplished.

I run in her memory and hopefully to give some much needed help to those like her, who need it.

Anything at all would be much appreciated.

I hope to raise at least $500.

Thank You,

AHe'hee.

Dre.

IRONGIRL here I come.

2006-11-29T12:38:00.000-08:00

Quick post as to my decision how to run this weekend.

IRONGIRL 10 MILER here I come!

Run starts at 9am...so I'm golden after dinner the nite before with my LADEE'z.

Then on to 20 miles on Sunday,

Run fool run.

What do I do?

2006-11-27T00:08:00.000-08:00

This week:

Tues: Workout got erased but I ran 5 miles. Dammit.
Weds: 8.16 miles in 1:08:14. 8:21 min./miles.
Thurs: 5.53 miles in 45:44. 8:15 min./miles.
Fri: OFF
Sat: 8.00 miles in 1:07:56. 8:29 min./miles.
Sun: 17.01 miles in 2:28:24. 8:43 min./miles.

Total for week: 43.70 miles.

Der. I was supposed to run 18 miles but I misread the miles scheduled for today.

More later on the runs.

BUT...

I have a dilema. I have 13 miles for my long run scheduled for this Sunday, however, I am supposed to run 13.1 for my LV Half Marathon next week when I am supposed to be scheduled for 20 miles.

Do I go ahead and run my 13 this week and run the Halfter next weekend with an additional 7miles?

Or do I run the IRONGIRL 10 miles on Saturday with the 13 on Sunday?

Or do I run the Scottsdale 1/2 Marathon Race on Saturday along with the LV 1/2 Marathon next week?

MAN..what do I do?

31 things..

2006-11-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

31) I am grateful for my beautiful F-ed up, amazingly gorgeous and blessed, unchallengeable, and deliciously all mine, LIFE.

30) I am blessed to have a one on one relationship with GOD and can call him one of my best friends.

29) I am in love with a MAN who despite all my faults and despite all his, love each other enough to be in this world and exist with patience, generosity, forgiveness, and appreciation. WHEW, its hard work no matter how rosy the picture looks...trust.

28) My SON is the missing piece of LOVE that I never knew existed within me that I could never live without.

27) No matter what, nothing replaces your girlfrenz:

ups and downs, tears and snot, happiness and drop to your knees pain:

they are my sisters, and a blessing to my life. I love you all (you know who you are.)

26) Hate is an unnecessary emotion that gives more power to another than back to yourself.

26) My Mother and Father are where the backbone of my soul and spirt lay. I am truly humbled to be from such great PEOPLE.

25) I love my busted toes because that means that I have the love of the run in my soul.

24) REDLADEE is both a blessing and major headache, but I love the pain. lol.

23) I am grateful to have the labels Mother, Sister, Auntie, Grandmother, Goddaughter, Runner, Christian, Akimel O'Odham, Apache, Lover, and Friend apply to me.

22) I still harbor the desire to produce my own REDLADEE Calender. Trust it will happen.

21) I love that I say what I do and I do what I say.

20) I am too honest for my own good. I have a strong dislike for liars, and believe me, I know who they are.

19) I will have had 4 years of sobreity on Jan 2nd, 2007.

18) I believe that OJ did it, and that George Bush is a freaking idiot, both of them.

17) My anger is a family trait that I fight each and everyday to beat down.

16) Blessings are given to us everyday, we just have to look for them.

15) I want to run the PF Changs Marathon 2007 in 4:15 minutes.

14) I like to buy expensive makeup, which I don't understand as it just goes down the drain at the end of the day.

13) Family Guy is the bomb, and so is Britney...Boo to Fed-ex. Heh.

12) I will never be a good Poker player as every emotion I feel is written on my face.

11) Just because you can kick some ass doesn't mean your ass won't be kicked.

10) Never believe your won hype.

09) There are people out there who put up the biggest front, then you come to understand that that's all they are. a front.

08) If you truly are happy and living this amazing life, you don't need to shout it off the rooftops, you just are.

07) I can't stand pumpkin pie.

06) I love my brother even though we are too much alike and have gotten in some knock down, mean-ass, fights. He is my blood and I will do anything for him. Even like those who I don't ..heh.

05) All of my ex's except for one are GREAT MEN.

04) I have discovered my new love: Coke Zero.

03) Diabetes will not get me. Or touch my Son.

02) This year is filled with new promise and much needed serenity.

01) I make 31 look good.

baggy & running.

2006-11-18T10:01:00.000-08:00

25:12 for my Ft. McDowell 5k.

Sadly, I didn't place in my age division..., but if the run had been one week later, I would of come in first for the 31-40's !!

I just kissed a $100 gift certificate goodbye.

I am disappointed that I did not place, but I am happy with my run.

"SIGH".

However, my big bro Eagle placed second in his age division of 31-40!

He so totally rocks.

--

I had just bought some new Nike running tights that I broke in this morning, alas, they were too big and I had to keep hitching them up. Not a good look. I guess I estimate my ass is a large when it's more like a medium..lol. Good times.

calibration is such a snotty bitch

2006-11-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

My ipod is back up.

Its been back up for a second now..except it's been giving me weird readings.

Like tonite, it said that I ran 7:30 minute miles on the average..I was like..oh hell no.

I know that I do not run that fast. Ever.

So today, according to my Nike + system, I had run 5 miles in 37 minutes with 7:34 min/mile average. Um..no.

Duh, I checked my settings and realized when I HAD to reset my Nike + system, I had forgot to reset my calibration and forgot to input my weight, hence the loopy although awe aspiring times.

Tomorrow I should be back on track with the right times and mileage.

8:20's here I come. heh.

So for today, probs a 4 1/2 miler in 37 minutes..sounds about right.

------

Sidenote: I have officially registered for the PF CHANGS MARATHON! I am official..and ready to kick some ass!!!

"sigh"

2006-11-12T22:56:00.000-08:00

I finally found out the "official" time of my YMCA 1/2 Marathon last weekend...

2:08:43???

What fa duck?

Seriously, I was so disappointed, especially as my Nike + system had me at 2:05.

I think I trust my Nike + system more as there was no chip timing, and I did not actually cross the start line until a ways in. Im estimating at 2 minutes? Is that even right? dang.

One bad point about the race is that they had the 1/2 Marathon and the 5K start at the same freaking time.

Chaos ensued.

Anywho, I am disappointed in my time, especially as I felt so much stronger and mentally disciplined. I even beat another running comp. by 12 minutes! At the 2 mile marker, she passed me by, talking a bit, then saying see you later as I said hav a good run. Caught up to her at mile 5.5, I had had her in my sights the entire race up to that point, but I actually was able to catch up to her and run with her for about .5 miles while talking the entire way. She had to stop at mile 6.2 as she was running with dead legs, ya know, that heavy feeling that makes your legs feel like they weight 40 lbs each. So she stopped and I kept going and did not see her again until 12 minutes or so after I finished. Sweet.

So alas, I actually put on 20 seconds for my best 1/2 marathon time.

I don't get it.

I felt so strong and so good this run, but my time didn't reflect it.

Shit.

More incentive to kick as at Las Vegas.

My running comp. had also run the day before with me at the NARD 5k, she said she though that may ahve been why she was feeling it that day. Me? I felt fine.

Who knows.

My dad said that somedays, its just not your day. I guess that Sunday was not mine.

But anywho.

This week I ran a total of :

Mon: Supposed to cross-train but took a day off.
Tues: Supposed to do 4 miles but I was being lazy.
Weds: 7.01 miles @ 58:52. 8:23 min./miles.
Thurs: 7.02 miles @ 58:59. 8:23 min./miles.
Fri: Rest day.
Sat: 5.00 miles in 41:56. (my time) 42:04 stopwatch time.
Sun: 11.01 miles in 1:30:15. 8:11 min.miles.

Total: 30.04 miles.

I did hit a Veteran's 5k Pr. 41:56 my time, 42:04 stopwatch time.

That morning was hella cold! My lungs were tight, my hands were numb, and my legs were covered in goosebumps. It was so cold I could see my breath in front of me.

I took a quick jog down the road to warm up my tight muscles and expand my cold constricted lungs.

Lined up, and we were off. I had my tunes on, but maybe because it was so cold, I couldn't turn em down from the max level they were on. I was stuck with my ears being blasted and not being able to hear my breathing. shit.

Off we all went, ladee'z bearing down the road at top speed. I kept my pace down and let the rabbits out the box, wondering if I would eventually overtake them. I ran my own race and was soon bypassing runners, both male and female, leaving them to eat my dust. heh.

Up ahead, the 2 miles loomed ahead, a steady incline untill the turn to hillage that would make or break most of the pack. On the incline, I was catching up to the girl who kicked my ass by 2 minutes last year, and there she stood as I flew by. Nice. This chick was running ahead about 100 meters, and I steadily crept on her. We turned left onto the old G-wash road, keeping it to the right as we had been instructed, and she was so close I could touch her shirt. I passed her on the outstep, and let the downhill take my legs. I jammed it to the bottom crest and then stepped it up on the uphill, but then, that chick whose hair I almost touched went on the LEFT HAND SIDE, the easy cut a couple of meters side, and passed me again. That burned me up, one thing I can't stand are cheaters. I used that and passed her like she was standing still, hearing her suck it in and falter as she tried to keep up with me. I took hills and glided up and down. Pushing myself to run fast on the inclines, and letting the hills take me on the declines. Soon, we reached the turnup side to the right, and I stepped it up. Feeling good, I pushed it and took it all in. I never saw that girl again, except when I was done and she finished 2 minutes after me.

She actually won 1st place in the 20-29 division while I took second in the 30-39 division. An old High School Cross country legend took first in my division.

This weekend made up for my disappointing race weekend before.

Oh yea, and I ran a nice new route for my 11 today.

I love running days like this.

fight the GOOD fight..

2006-11-12T22:10:00.000-08:00

Watching Flags of Our Fathers's this evening, has me reflecting on what my family has fought for in the name of this country.

My grandfather was a hand to hand combat soldier in World War II. Everytime I watch "Saving Private Ryan" I always think of how my Grandfather was there, doing that very thing I am watching, "playing" war but not being able to shout "STOP!" when it got to much for you or you were losing.

He never talked about fighting in the war to me of course, I was only about 8 when he passed on, but I do remember how I loved to play with his thumb on his right hand, or lack of it. His thumb was missing on that hand, and I always remember how there was an X right down the middle of that missing skin. I used to love to touch it and marvel at it, and he never pushed me away or made me stop. I never asked him how it came to be gone, but later, as I got older, my Hoo'oo told me it was shot off in the war. I can't imagine my gentle giant of a grandfather fighting with anyone, much less in a war. He was only 19 when he was shipped off, and my grandmother was pregnant with my Mom while he was away. My mom says she remembers my grandmother telling her that he used to write her of how much it smelled there, of death, that sickly metal smell of blood.

I remember looking at pictures of him in his uniform, my grandfather was such a handsome young man. My mom used to yell at me cause I used to always get that white picture album down from the closet and just stare at how time passed through the people I loved.

Watching that movie tonite, with so much of it dedicated to Ira Hayes, A fellow O'odham from across the city, made me cry for my Grandfather and what he much have gone through.

How can anyone see the face of death and be the same after?

My grandfather became a minister, and he and my grandmother and my aunties and uncle moved all over the Southwest O'odham lands preaching the good word.

I often wonder if my Grandfather became a minister ino rder to reconcile what had been done overseas. Of course, I never bring that up to my Grandmother or Mom. But, I always think about it.

Placed in that situation, I don't know if I would have it in me to fight.

But I know that I sure am glad that there were those who were able to fight so that I am here today, writing im this stupid blog, about a situation that thankfully I may never know.

I guess in a way that's why I feel so passionately about showing respect to the flag. Maybe because I have some idea of all the blood behind it.

For those Native's who fought against it, and for those who fought for it.

Vote ...or shut the hell up.!

2006-11-07T22:03:00.000-08:00

I've voted since I was eligible...going on 12 years strong.

Even though I have to make the trip home to vote, its always so worth it. Leading up to today, I researched the issues, discussed the politicians and issues with my family and those whose opinions I value, and even took a little piece of yellow post-it paper with me into the booth to ensure that I voted correctly.

I am so worn out.

I felt a twinge of sadness however that I could not vote for my San Carlos council, including the all important Tribal Chairperson. Sigh, even though I have the blood of two running through my beautiful fat veins, the law says I am only able to vote in the tribal election of which I am enrolled. Bah, red tape.

Anywho..I did my duty and I voted.

-----

I know that there are Native peeps who do not vote for whatever reason, abstaining due to political views, genocidal views, what have you. I respect their opinion. If it makes sense..heh.

But I believe that every vote counts, no matter how virginal and dimwitted that may sound, I choose to believe that this country at least allows us the gift of maintaing some sense of control in our lives pertaining to choosing our leaders and the rules that we allow to govern us. How many other countries in this world allow their citizens the same?

I give respect to this country from which I have been born and love. I understand and acknowledge that this country has not done my people right, however, I believe that if anything is to change in this country, the change begins with one person at a time. Saying that, I believe that we as Native people can not rely on that tired excuse of the country owes us something. Yes, as tribes I do believe that, water rights, land rights, sovereignty issues, property rights, etc need to be dealt, however with regard to individual issues, why can't we do for ourselves?

If we truly wanted to be seperate from our country, we would eskew its public assistance, governmenet assistance in the form of our Indian Health services, federal grants for education, etc.

I believe that if you really have a problem with this country that my ancestors, my grandfather, cousins, uncles, etc. have fought for, then maybe its time to check out and check into a country that isn't the United States.

Peace and Blessings.

PR that ass.

2006-11-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

Saturday I ran the NARD 5k and I totally kicked my old time and pounded it into the ground!

I ran it in at 25:.02! 7:46 min./miles!

I received second place in the 21-30 category and got a groovy medal. Nice. The girl who took first place is the same ladee who I beat the at the last 5k.

Before we took off, I was debating whether or not to run the 5k as I was leaning toward the 2 miler. I had wanted to take it slow and easy as I would be running the S.Mtn. 1/2 marathon the next day, and I didn't want to burn myself out by going all out. My brother man talked me into running the 5k with the reasoning it was just another mile. Hmm. He sold me and at the 5k start, we were off.

I checked our pace as we began and it was at 7:45! I kept it back and let the peeps pass me as I wanted to maintain my steady pace of 8:10. Sides, I didn't think everyone was going to maintain that quick a pace.

I slowly started to pass peeps as they dropped back, maintaining my pace. At the turnaround at mile 1.6, hella peeps began to stop.

In my sights, I had Ms. Ladee who always, I mean always kicks my ass at these races and whom I have never beaten in my whole entire life. She was in my vision and it seemed that I was gaining on her. I kept it cool and stepped it up a notch, and I slowly started to gain on her with a quickness. In the beginning of the race, she was way ahead of me, so catching up to her was a major feat. The last 1/2 mile, I was right behind her, the last 300 yards had us neck and neck for the finish. The last 100 yards I kicked it in and passed her, beating her by like 10 seconds. YES! Afterward, she congradulated me and then told me that she hadn't been running like she used to and she didnt kick it all in this race. UM, yeah.

I just smiled and said, "Oh?". But we both knew who won. Heh.

So for my 5k, I beat a long-time running rival and hit my 5k pr. NICE.

As for my 1/2 Marathon, I do not have time to give a full racing report, but here is my finishing time, unoffically, as there were no timing chips so I had to go by my own time and that of the finishing clock:

2:05:45.

I rock.

Ill give the breakdown a little later as my Nike+ is a little hard to figure out as I had kept it running after I had finished.

What a running weekend.

Not my hoped for time but hey, more incentive to kick some ass in Vegas.

Im still proud of my run.

2nite is the nite

2006-11-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

2nite I indulged my Son with some Thomas trains and some brand spanking new Target clothes.

Im freaking tired from a full day of work, running, target, and applebees, oh yeah, and some Alien action thrown in.

I have so much to write about but I won't.

Im too freaking tired.

Halloween & Grandson excuses..

2006-11-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

Well I did not run for the past few days.

1) Monday I was tired and didn't do shiz, even though according to my Higdon agenda, it was supposed to be a cross-training day.
2) Tuesday was Halloween and I had no time to fit in a run as I woke up late in the morning (messing up my plan to run then), and after work I was occupied with my Son and taking him out to trick or treat on the rez. THEN, I had retardedly agreed to babysit my grandson ( yes, my grandson. My neice's son, which technically and traditionally, he is my grandson. ), that nite so I was happily sleep-deprived with two boys under the age of three.

This morning I was up with waaay before the sun entertaining my lil grandson of love and smelling his formula-producing poopoo. MAN, I never knew a lil guy could smell that bad, for realz. Son smelled of course, but he was fed the natural way so according to my D-man, lil guys who drink formula produce that kind of big Man smell. I guess.

He was so cute, waking up my Lil Man and watching them run after each other while I tried to get us ready to go to work. Let's just say this morning I was a little late.

Trick or treating with lil Man was such fun, but man was I tired! He went as Superman complete with fake muscles and rippling 6-pack abs..lol. He is such a handsome lil guy. I don't know how many times I have peeps telling me he is going to be a football player and all-around heartbreaker. heh...in addition to momma's with lil girls around his age already "claiming" him for their daughter...heh. Real ndn style.

Anywho, I finally ran after work. WHew.

Mon: Rest.
Tues; Halloween.
Weds: 7.02 miles in 57:14. 8:09 minute miles.

I was supposed to run 4 miles on Tuesday according to Hal, but I didn't. So I plan to run 8 miles tomorrow, 7 on Friday and take Saturday off.

I am so veering from the plan for this week. But hey, Im a working mom to a 2 1/2 year old on Halloween week. Bite me.

I was supposed to run 4 on Tuesday, 7 on Weds., 4 on Thurs, rest on Fri., 7 on Sat., and 15 on Sunday.

My modulated plan goes like this:

Mon: Off
Tues: Off
Weds: 7 (on schedule)
Thurs: 8 (making up for Tues.)
Fri: 7 (making up for Saturday as I want to rest the day before my Halfer)
Sat: REST (but possible 5k or even 2 miler for the NARD run that morning EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE RESTING IF I WANT TO PR FOR the 13.1 the next day)
Sun: 13.1 in the morning. Run the additional 1.99 after the race or later that day.

Sound good to you?

Peace out yo..

ipod I love you..why you fugging wit me?

2006-10-30T23:24:00.000-08:00

My Ipod has been freaking out so here I am at 1230 am hoping against hope to get it back on track. Bummer. At least I shelled out the bucks for a 2 year warranty so all I have to do if it's jacked fo life, is bring it back to Best Buy and wait for my new shiny black lover to arrive. I so hope that it doesn't come to that. Sigh.

Fugg. Its pissing me off.

Anywho, for some good news.

I ran my 14 miles on Sunday in 2:04:42! I kicked my best 1/2 marathon time by 3 minutes and one whole freaking mile!

Last year around this time, I had run the S. Mtn. 1/2 marathon in 2:07 minutes, beating my PF Changs 1/2 Marathon time in 2005 by 3 minutes.

Next Sunday awaits my S. Mtn. Half-marathon again. I feel so confident and strong in my running that I am almost positive I will beat my 2:00 half-marathon goal. No, fugg that. I WILL BEAT IT. Dammit.

Last week:

TUes: 7.34 miles in 1:00:08. 8:11 min./miles.
4.03 miles in 32:21. 8:00 min./miles. (7 pm)
Weds: 6.16 miles in 51:25. 8:20 min./miles.
Fri: 3.49 miles in 28:33. 8:09 min./miles.
Sat: 7.02 miles in 59:03. 8:24 min./miles.
Sun: 14 miles in 2:04:42. 8:54 min./miles.

Total for week: 42.04. Whoa.

pEACE OUT ..

RESPECT.

2006-10-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

Looking at myspace, I saw some images that disturbed me.

I think that I maybe more old skool in my thinking than most, or even more so than I think I am.

Tonite, I saw images that I believe should not be posted for the internet world reality to see.

No,they were not porno shots, or pictures of anything bloody or sick. They were images of my people's ways that are meant to be sacred and kept without the lens from a camera.

I understand and acknowledge that there are images in books, maybe even in movies, and certainly on the internet of my people's traditions, but in my thinking, we as a people should not use these images as a means of "showing off' who and what we are.

I do not know if this was the intention behind the image(s), but it is my belief that if you know of yourself and your place in this world, regarding who and what you are, then you are taught and learn that there are certain things that one does not "show off" or "show out" about, these things are not meant to validate yourself, they are meant to be show respect. Period.

To be from the great people who I am descended from, I am humble in who I am with regards to both my great tribes.

I do not have to, nor was I taught, that to be who I am, I have to show it to others, I am who I am because that is the way it is.

Maybe I am not making any sense, but to me, my culture is not a thing to "show off" to others. I know there are certain things we do and don't do because of respect for what they represent. WE SHOW RESPECT.

This I promise I will teach and drum into my Son.

Too bad more of us can't or won't do the same.

making impossible, POSSIBLE.

2006-10-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up with sluggish legs and bushy hair.

It wasn't too hard to roll outta bed, but it was hard to walk without feeling the soreness in my legs. I LOVE IT. I'm kinda weird in that way that I love to feel the lactic acid burning up and down my thighs. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something, besides, it usually doesn't last too long anyway.

Last nite, I hit up 6 miles at the park before my beloved TV night of America's Next Top Model and LOST. I ran it feeling tired and no go in my juice. I averaged about 8:20 minute miles but at times I felt as if I was running much much slower. I felt like I was running so slow that I was embarressing myself. I guess I really wasn't but it was just an overall trippy feeling.

I finished without that exhausted drop down to my knees feeling that I thought I might, ya know, when your so beat down after a run that you just stop and rest your hands on your knees while you try to catch your breath? I didn't have that, I actually felt ok, but grateful that the run was over. I hate that. I hate runs that make you wish for its end. Thats no way to run. For realz.

Anywho, I think I might still just be tired from my 11.38 miles yesterday. Running another 6.16 might of been pushing it too hard today, and knowing me, I should of run at least a minute slower than my usual pace to recover from my long run. But I know me, all out for now reason. heh.

Anywho, last nite I was lurking on the internet as I couldn't sleep and came across Higdon's home page. Hal Higdon. He's the running God who has training guides for running your best marathon, or for those of us, a better marathon.

I printed out his Intermediate 1 Training Guide, and am thinking of following it for the next 11 weeks until the marathon in January.

I have pretty much followed his guide without knowing of it, and I like the structure that it gives. Only prob is that I have some scheduled races including my upcoming 1/2 marathon on November 5th at South Mtn, and the LV 1/2 marathon on December 10th. Hmm, well I am one to go against the norm and I am sure that I can just use this as a loose guide for my training.

I don't want to tell you what my marathon time goal is for this year's race, it makes it too real. The way I have been running and the confidence that I have now make what I thought was otherwise impossible, possible.

Hm.

Running Ish:

Mon: Rest.
Tues: 7.34 miles in 1:00:08 at 8:11 min./miles.
4.03 miles in 32:21 at 8:00 min./miles.
Weds: 6.16 miles in 51:25 at 8:20 min./miles.

Peace out yo.

im rolling.

2006-10-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

Monday I took a rest day.

Made up for it yesterday.

I got into work early yesterday, so I took an hour and half lunch hour in which I ran 7.34 miles in 1:00:08, 8:11 min./miles.

Later that nite with my lil Family, we hit up LA Fitness and I ran an additional 4.03 miles in 32:21, 8:00 MIN./MILES!!

So yesterday, I ran a total of 11.37 miles.

Im off to a good week.

When blogging yesterday, I forgot to include my run in GODS COUNTRY, aka San Carlos, my homey town.

Saturday I was home for the INFR rodeo at the casino, our tickets were good for the afternoon show which started at 1 pm., so I had figured I could get my run in that morning.

Slowly, after a kick bootie breakfast cooked by shi'ma, I ran at about 1030 am. I took off on my old skool route of around the field below my house. I figured that I wuold run the loop 2 times. I had estimate before that the loop was about 1.5 miles one way. So, if I ran it two times I would hit up 6 miles. Sweet.

Now that I have my Nike + system, I figured that I could finally get an accurate reading of the distance around my running path.

I took off, armed with an old t-shirt that I found in my old room, and my Dad's bandana. I kissed my loves and stretched for like 10 seconds, bad I know. I walked down the rocky, dusty, potholed driveway to the road and I was off.

There was a nice breeze and a coolness and cleaness to the air that I had missed. I ran it out till I turned into the dirt road and got ready for the rez dogs serenade. NICE, no dogs this time. Had to stop a bit to get over the cattleguard but it didn't slow my roll too much.

I check my pace and I was clocking in 8:05 min./miles! Too fast for the elevation and for my desired 6 miles. But NICE anyway, heh.

I ran up to the fence and turned it around, but I was looking for a challenge, so I ran it up to the store. To run to the store, you have to run about 1 mile uphill. I felt so good doing that run, uphill had me breathing with a grimace, but I checked my pace again and I was hitting up 8:45 min./miles! Nice.

So all in all, I ran 5.09 miles in 42:37 with 8:21 min./miles.

I am so ready to kick some ass at the Veteran's 8k!

But before that, I am nervously awaiting the S. Mountain 1/2 Marathon next weekend.

I am aiming for a 2:00 1/2 Marathon.

Busy.busy.

Peace.

ish.

2006-10-24T13:10:00.001-07:00

Running ish:

Tues: 6:08 miles in 50:17. 8:15 min./miles.
Thurs: 10.03 miles in 1:25:11. 8:20 min./miles.
Sat: 5.09 miles in 42.37. 8:21 min./miles.
Sun: 6.08 miles in 49.41. 8:10 min./miles.

Total for week: 27.28 miles. Boo.

I was slacking last week.

I has so much going on that I had to sneak in a 5 am run and get up at 4:30 to get to the gym.

I loved it. Seriously.

I'm weird in a way that 9 out of 10 times I will wake up when I want to. No alarm clock, nada. I have this internal thing that I have always loved. So ANYWAY, lol, I got up, bleary eyed and with 80's hair. I washed the face, got dressed, drank some water and ate a granola Powerbar (those things rULE!!).

It was still dark outside when I got in my ride. I loved the quietness of the rez and the smell of the early morning air. I felt deliciously sneaky and with a sense of solitude that had me pricking in my skin. It was also slightly cool so that I threw on a t-shirt over my tank and jetted up the warm air coming through the vent.

I drive through the surprisingly busy Scottsdale streets to hit up my beloved LA. I was surprised that the lot was pretty full, and inside the die-hards were furiously peddling, running, and lifting away.

It was nice to have my pick of treadmills and have my own space away from peeps. I got to watch the news instead of Sesame Street. Nice.

I had brought with me my powergel and my carafe of water in my pretty purple bottle.

Didn't eat the powergel.

Ran and ran.

I think Im going to try this 430 thing again and again.

Plus, when I run in the A.M., I tend to run again in the evening again.

The time is getting closer to the truth...

A little less than 3 mos. to my second marathon.

4:20 hear I come.

Suckaz.

superwoman.

2006-10-20T16:30:00.000-07:00

I love my Son from the bottom of my soul.

But, I wonder, am I good enough for him?

I am such a fucked up person, who am I to raise a child? I have so many issues that I do not want to pass on to my Son. He is innocence in a mirror image of me, how do I know what I am doing is right?

I go crazy with thinking I am failing him somehow, someway. I want to give him all of me. But what if all of me is jacked to no end?

WHen I look into his beautiful black eyes, I want him to feel my love for him, and that he is safe. Safe in a way that I will always be here for him, I will always protect him, I will always be that whisper on his lips.

I want to be a better parent than my own, I want to know patience.

Man, there are times when he frustrates me to no end, and I have to walk away, but he knows that I will always be back.

He is my love that is the blood pulsing in my veins, but how do you balence that kind of love?

I think about him all day..and I miss him so much.

I feel guilty for leaving him in the care of others, but dammit, I have to work. I even try to figure out how many hours he spends there as compared to the hours he spends with us.

I feel so guilty for needing "me time", when I feel that I don't spend enough time with my lil Man. I feel guilty when I run long..cause those are hours that are taken away from watching him grow.

How the fuck do you know how to raise a child?

I feel so beat down at times, so frustrated that I am not superwoman.

I just want to do right by my Son.

I want to raise him feeling he is surrounded by love and dances in happiness.

I want to know that I am raising him right.

Whatever that is.

haterade

2006-10-17T22:53:00.000-07:00

I watched a comedy show up on cinemax..ya know the lil Black doot from the third Friday I think..? the lil lucky charms doot? yea him.

He's pretty funny.

He got me thinking cause some of the things he said were profound. For realz.

He was talking about how Black people want other people to stop hating on them and what they do, but that no matter what happens, there will always be peeps who will hate.

He said, if you have 14 peeps hating on you at the beginning of summer, your goal should be to have 30 peeps hating on you at the end.

I had to laugh at that, because if you think about it, its true.

People only have hate for you because you embody something that they themselves envy and/or desire. Whether it be a relationship, a family, intelligence, physical beauty, freedom, money, etc.

I have always had peeps that have had dislike for me. I remember in High School on the first day of my Senior Year, a girl from the rez that I didn't even know came up to me. She said that I thought I was better than everyone else..I was like," NO, YOU think I'm better than everyone else." I had known of this girl for years from way back, but I had never gotten the vibe like she liked me, so it was kinda no surprise. I met up with this girl years down the road, and she acted like we were best friends back in the day...whatever yo. I was cordial enough, but hey, she was just tryin to ride my coattails to a party to peeps in the know.

I admit, I am a bit cocky. But i call it confidence. lol.

Ok, Im an arrogant little bitch at times..but hey I've mellowed out.

I know now that because I have a big mouth at times, that doesn't mean I won't get my ass kicked.

I know now that the more success I achieve, in whatever it is I do. there will be peeps that share my joy and there will be peeps that hover to see me fail.

Right now, I choose to be happy with who I am and where I am in life. If someone doesn't iike it, then I have nothing but blessings and prayers for you.

Its all relative.

shi'ma

2006-10-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

After two days of rest..

I ran on a slightly uncomfortable hip.

Monday nite I had designs on kicking ass at kickboxing, but my hip doth protest too much, so instead I took Son-boi for a 1 1/2 mile walk in the park.

Man, did we have a blast. I think the best part was when he said, "Grandma run.."...cause he laughed and laughed watching shi'ma haul bootie up the hill. hehe.

I miss walking in a circle with her, though our shouts were hard to hear over lil Man's plastic wheels on his car, we had some good old-fashioned Mother/daughter time. Its funny, but she truly is my best friend. I remember when I moved to KC for a year, me and her talked every day, and I am so not a phone person, but I had to hear the safety of her voice.

When I saw her when I came home for a visit, we both burst into tears, you know, those from the chest sobs that make you choke on your spit and make your face an ugly blotchy mess? yea, I get that from her too..heh.

I remember she flew up so we could take road trip to Red Earth in OKC. Dang, we talked non-stop the whole drive..and it was so fun, just us two. Even though we had a breakdown in my lil purple Neon, that was even an adventure. I was depressed for like a week after she left, and I knew, I just knew, the love I had for that Man then had no hold on me like the love I have/had for shi'ma. Period. Two months later, I came home.

She and I have our history, she held me up and I help her up. She knows me in a way that no one ever will. I know when she has a bad day, she doesn't have to say a word, or even be within 100 miles of me, I call, and I know.

She is the woman I aspire to be.

To be called a mom as great as her would be my greatest compliment.

my hips dont lie...

2006-10-15T17:51:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I ran my first 12 in a while.

It was at a nice and easy pace, keeping it under 9:00/mile.

I did my run at the park around 3pm..and no Im not crazy. It was actually beautifully cool with a breeze strong enough to blow my 10 lb. hair around. I had originally decided to run at Tempe Town Lake for a structured 12 miles, but time and laziness got a hold of me and I decided to just run at the park, with security and safety leaving me stress and shank free.

Now, I have run long at the park before, one long loop around the park equals 1.5 miles. So I was going to have to run the park 8 times. 8 sometimes repetitive, boring, times, but hey, safety and security was the tradeoff so I had no complaints.

My run began nice and easy, feeling no pain and excited to do the damn thang.!@!

I had to slow my ass down and be conscious of my pace. I knew I wanted to run 12 miles in at least 1:50. This time I chose to run in under 9 minute miles to give me a chance to see if the desired 2 hour time for 13.1 was in my grasp.

The run was actually going pretty fast, as long runs usually do, and I lost track of time...except when my hip went bad.

At about mile 4.5, I felt a pulling in my left hip. I guess I had been feeling it for a bit, but it was at that point where I actually wondered if I would be able to finish the run. It freaking hurt! I ran through it...pushing on because I really wanted to get my 12 miles in, without any necessary stopping. I know, hip pain constitutes a necessary stop, but I was in the zone!

I have been feeling this pain in my hip for the last couple of runs, usually I just try to stretch it out. It lasts usually until my next run, where it begins all over again. It sometimes caused me to limp a little in the beginning of the day, but wore off as the day went on.

But yesterday, like a dumbass, I pushed through and after a while, the pain lessened and I was able to finish my run.

Weird huh? I think in my mind I was pushing the pain away until it was a slight blimp on my body map. I carried on with a relatively average pace around 8:40.

Mile 11.5 had me stopping for some gulped down gatorade stashed in my ride, but I decided to forgo the GU, I just didnt see the point with only 1.5 miles left to go. I know that I should have actuall GU'ed it up at mile 8 or so, but I was truly in the zone and I didn't want to stop and mess up my flow.

Mile 1.5, after the stopage, was truly a formidable force.

I could actually feel the gatorade sloshing, my legs wobble (due to lack of fuel - yea I know), and my sweat leave tracks down my salt stained face.

1.5 had me running it in hard..even with dried out contacts caused by the gusty winds.

I finished it in with a time of 1:44:15. 5 minutes 45 seconds under my hoped for time!

Today, however, it is hard to walk. I still feel this pain in my left hip, I believe I pulled something and yesterday, I overexerted my poor pulled hip.

I decided, with a long sigh, that I would not do my planned 5 mile run today.

I hope this does not sideline me.

I won't let it. After my usual rest/kickbox class Monday, I will be running again on Tuesday.

Hopefully my hip will be ok.

I guess my promise to listen to my body didn't apply yesterday.

Sigh..

Mileage:

Mon: Rest
Tues: 5.81 in 48:20. 8:19 min./miles. (6 AM)
4.27 in 35:01. 8:11 min/miles. (7:30 PM)
Weds: 5.02 in 40:47. 8:07 min/miles.
Thurs: Rest
Fri: 7.34 in 1:00:41. 8:16 min/miles.
Sat: 12.01 in 1:44:15. 8:40 min/miles.

Total Mileage: 34.45

"hug it out Bitch"

2006-10-13T23:55:00.001-07:00

I saw my first and only episode of "the Office" last week and I though it was the funniest thing I had ever seen.!

hence my new mantra.." HUG IT OUT BITCH"...ROFLMBO.

and ode to my new mantra..

my new playlist:

smokey - you've really got a hold on me
da crue - smoking in the boys room
the time - jungle love
sade - by your side
asslee s. - invisible
ms. janet - go deep
kittie - braxxius
roots - you got me
rage - testify
salt n pepa - ill take your man
too short - dont fight the feeling
q-tip - breathe and stop
prince - money doesn't matter tonite
pat benatar - love is a battlefield
natalie imbruglia - torn
mxpx - do your feet hurt
method man - break ups to make ups
mastodon - crystal skull
madonna - sorry (oakenfield remix)
ludacris - move bitch

"hug it out bitch!"

old skool

2006-10-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

This week I accidently deleted like 2 blogs.

Oh well..

here's my running info for the week so far:

Mon: No run.
Tues: 5.81 miles in 48:20. 8:19 min/mile. (6 AM at the park)
4.27 miles in 35:01. 8:11 min/mile. (7 PM at the gym)
Weds: 5.02 miles in 40:47. 8:07 min/mile.
Thurs: Rest.
Fri: 7.34 miles in 1:00:41. 8:16 min/miles. (5:30 AM at the gym)

Total for week: 22.44 miles.

I am tentatively planning to hit up a 2 miler here in Salt River tomorrow morning at 7am., but I am also debating whether or not to just go ahead and run long instead.

Sunday looks like I will not be hitting up the 20K at S. Mtn. My sure goot fren Ms. Knowledge will be graduating with her Masters In Business Admin. on Sunday at 10 am. SHe is way more important than a run..sides, I can get my run on before that.

My long run this weekend is a 12 miler.

I haven't run long in two weeks. I need to get my distance running in and get an estimate where I will be coming in at in next month's 1/2er at S. Mtn. I so want to get 2:00.

This morning when I ran, I felt so sluggish and drained.

I had to crank my pace down slower than normal because I felt that I would not be able to keep the pace up for my planned hour run. So I took it down...which is what i need to do anyway. I think I mess myself up so much by thinking I need to go all out every run. I need to learn and get it pounded into my head that there are days when I run that I can rest...I need to rest. Im not a loser because I run at a slower pace than other days..., my body is not superhuman. Something I need to let myself remember.

I took my gu packet but I did not want to slug it down. I think I had no energy becasue all I had to eat was a banana b4 my run and some water in my pretty purple neoprene cup. I really do not like to eat before I run. I can actually feel it in my stomach.

Im so bad. I have to get over that mentality of "when I run I just want to run." with no preparation.

If I want to improve my times, and not be knocked out at the end of my runs, I need to prepare before the run.

It's just so hard for me to get over that "old skool" mentality of running I have from my father.

He tells me the night before a marathon he would eat beans and tortillas. LOL....and drink some water the morning of and that was it!

He would run in his trusty trucking gray New Balence runners, red bandana, and his ASU t-shirt and some raggedy shorts.

I guess Im old skool too..hehe.

Happy NATIVE DAY

2006-10-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

I have no time it seems to blog much anymore.

My life is rush from here to there..and when I do have time to blog, I want to just lay like broccoli with my family and actually engage in real conversation..heh.

So I apologize to all my 2 readers..

I will get my butt back in gear starting tomorrow..

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY..lol.(IM KIDDING)

(BTW...the Salt River Pima-Maricopa INdian Community does not celebrate Columbus Day, we celebrate Native American Day the week before...WE are so before our time..heh.)

run it in.

2006-10-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

The rundown:

Mon: Too tired and out of it to run. Whew.
Tues: 6.07 miles in 49:32. 8:09 min./miles.
Weds: 5.54 miles in 45:58. 8:17 min./miles.
Thurs: 3.57 miles in 29.32. 8:22? min./miles.
(thingamabob jacked me and I had to stop after .65 the first run at 5:38 minutes at 8:33 min/miles. The second run I ran at 2.92 miles in 23:54 at
8:11 min./miles.)
Fri: 5.02 miles in 41:36. 8:16 min./miles.
Sat: 7.30 miles in 1:00:28. 8:16 min./miles.

Total: 27.61 for the week so far.

I plan to run long tomorrow...at least 10 miles, but I am aiming for 12.

Long busy hard week.

Have a problem coming up...a 20K I want to run is scheduled for Oct. 15th, BUT, my sure goot friend's graduation for her Masters is on that same day at 10am. The run begins at 7:30 at the base of S. Mountain.

If I run, I should be able to finish in under 2 hours. I say about 1:50?

Does this leave me enough to time to shower, get dressed and beat the rush at Phoenix Collegs?

Man..what to do.

Califas..

2006-10-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

1) the DEJA VU ride at Six Flags Magic Mtn. is the only ride in my whole entire life that I have actually had scare the hells outta me!!. It is the one ride that I cannot see myself riding again because I think I may actually die on it. My seatbelt on the ride didnt' seem to catch, and I felt myself fall a bit when we were being pulled backward up 90 degrees..the whole entire ride I thought I was going to fall out of my chair..!!

2)My Morongo brothas have a hella of outlet chain on their rez..next time you hit up LA, be sure and stop and support the COACH store..LOL.

3) Fatburger is the bomb!

4) When going to buy gas, wait until you hit AZ upon returning home, gas prices in AZ are about 50 cents less than Califas..a change that happens within 10 miles!!

5) Don't stay in the Super 8 hotel on Katella Ave. near Disneyland, they harbor sexual predators and on our stay there, a woman passed on in the swimming pool! NO way was V-man getting his Thomas trunks on in that!!!!

6) Eat at Goofy's Kitchen at the Disneyland Hotel..good eats, Disney characters come to your table, and they have a cute lil area for the babee's to eat..PLUS, the BABEE gets his picture with GOOFY!! hehe.

7) HAVE A FREAKING BLAST..but leave a day early if your Babeeboy gets sick...and plan on hitting up DISNEYWORLD in the future to get your marathon on and check out EPCOT center...whoo0-hooo.

Number ONE Stunna...

2006-09-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Tonite I did my first 5k in a while.

I had heard whisperings of a Run organized by the powers that be here in Salt River. Fotunately, I had business to take care of in our illustrious new shanty of power for the SRPMIC. There, while waiting, I asked and received a flyer about said run TONITE! There was a 2 mile walk, a 5k, and an 8k staring me in the face.

Now, I had made tentative plans to run at the PF CHanges shindig & get-together off the canal bank down the way in Scottsdale..but fugg it. I wanted to run with brown peeps and see how I measured up.

After receiving the flyer and doing my biz, I took off to Eyemasters to pick up my new glasses and took a quick stop at home to slam down 2 cups of water. It was so funny because I was nervous as heck thinking of the run this nite. I had eaten taco bell (yes I know my diet has gone to hell but I have my reasons..dammit) for lunch and I now remember why you don't do that on race day.

Anywho, 5 pm came and my Sunshine was picked up and given to Poppa and G-ma for the race.

I registered smack dab at 5:30 and picked up the last of the freebies for the event, a pretty purple SRPMIC backpace..NICE! I registered for the 5k feeling like a sucka..

Last year I had a horrible experience running the 8k, I actually stopped and almost threw up and passed out. Last year when we ran, the sun was hitting us smack dab at 103..so yes, I was dehydrated and my dumb ass didn't prepare...so I was weak and barely mamnaged to finish,..embarressingly. (if that's not a word it should be.)

SO this year..I opted for the 5k. I wasn't feeling strong and I did want to get home ASAP to pick up Son-boi from my poor tired parents. Sides, we were due to hit up the mall for a last minute Six-Flags halter top for Momma..hehe.

5:45 came and surprisingly, a lot of peeps showed up to get their run on. Some did the 2 mile walk. but most did the 5k, with only 7 peeps who kik ass doing the 8k.

Got to the front and waited for the go.

Off we went, trotting down the street..I was number 2 behind this Ladee who I always see at these races..and she kicks ass. Shes an older woman..about 40? but man can she run.

Anywho..when we turned onto the dirt road..my eyes veered to my right and I caught a glimps of the peeps behind me..4 in a row straight out in a line. As we took it down another half mile..the one behind me came up and ran right by my side. By this time, we had run up an embankment right next to the canal and it was pretty narrow. The main road consists of loose rock, and a lot more work. We were packed in like sardines for about 2 minutes..almost shoulder to shoulder. Us three.

Soon a couple of walkers from the 2 mile walk drew near and I had to file down to the number three spot to let the walkers by. Damn. So there we were, 1 ,2 and me make three.

Soon, I was feeling the pace that was being set and I was starting to doubt I could hold it up. Slowly we made it up the chica with the water..with neon arrows written in the dirt pointing in two directions.

I imediately took my left following the pacesetters, but then asked for 5K? and she pointed straight on.

So luckily..I was lead off into the number one spot for the 5k!

Whoa..I have never been number one spot for any race...before any men and any woman.

BUT..there were trying times ahead.

I could hear a runner directly behind me breathing the music of deep breathes and slurpy spit. I pounded it out and ran down to our tunraround spot, seeing that she was about 10 yards behind me.

I could feel myself slow down on the turnback, but I had to get my breathe back as those lovely farm machines had begun to kick up dirt and all the pretty allergens that I so dearly love. I had a major piece of phglem lodged in my chest that I couldn't hack up. Im sure I sounded like I was going to die, wheezing and trying to hack up this rock hard loogy. BUt, I stayed out on top.

I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran.

I was hella tired, and even let my mind wander to the relief of stopping or even slowing down. But I kept hearing those footfalls behind my ass.

Passed the water ladee and I kept trucking. I could tell I had slowed down, and I was even waiting for the person behind me to pass so I could follow her from behind and let her set the pace so I could coast a bit and then, if I had it in me, pass her ass at the end.

But I didnt' hear her breathe any closer. At the home stretch to the finish..I felt my legs kick it in like I didn't know they had. My lungs were screaming, my throat was sore, and that damn phlegm was sticking like a mutha..but my legs, oh man, my legs had wings of their own.

I flew to the finish line, and that breathing behind me was a distant memory. I pushed all that i had out of me and thought, I'm not going to let pain get in the way of my glory.

I crossed the line..first.

3.23 miles in 26:27. Avg. 8:17 minute miles.

Number One stunna...

I got this much needed $20 buck gift card to Bashas, and huge smile on my face.

Here are the tuneage that got me by:

Love Me or Hate Me - Lady Sovereign
Our Lips are Sealed - Haylie & Hilary Duff
Who Knew? - Pink
Such Great Heights - The Postal Service
Ring the Alarm - Beyonce
Faster Kill Pussykat - Paul Oakenfield F. Brittany Murphy
Satisfaction - Benassi Bros.
Walking With a Ghost - the White Stripes

try it..ya might like it.

im a bitch..but I llike it

2006-09-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

Last week's goal of hitting up 30 miles was achieved.

Mon: 1 hr. kickass class.
Tues: 5.03 miles @ 8:06 min./miles run in 40:49.
Weds: Tired ass.
Thurs:5.08 miles @ 8:27 min./miles run in 43:00.
Fri: Off Day.
Sat: 11.13 miles @ 8:58 min./miles run in 1:39:44.
Sun: 9.04 miles @ 8:05 min./miles run in 1:13:10.

Total Miles: 30.28 miles for the week...sucka..

I know that I should really be taking a break right about now, especially after running 20 miles total for the weekend (whew! who would've thought I had it in me?).

I've been a bad girl.

I ran 5 miles yesterday and another 6 today.

I could feel my body, especially my 30 year old left hip protest..but I had a lot of shyt happen to me at work that I had to unload before I took it out in evil ways. As it is, road rage looks good on me ..heh.

Monday had me in tears until the last 30 minutes of work. I had what I thought had been a major booboo on my part, but turns out to be a glitch in the paperwork and I was set straight. I drove like a madwoman to get to the gym and unload 5 fast miles worked out of my psyche. Aww..the sweat felt so good, apparently not to the woman to my left who complained about my sweat hitting her arm. TOUGH BITCH...was what I thought in my mind, but I proceeded to tuck that wet braid into my sports bra. She called out to me right when I was in the zone..hitting up 7:30 paceage in my last 400 meters. I was like wait bitch..

But looking back at it now..I guess that is pretty gross. HEH. But I had a bad day and I was bitchy..so 5"2 mexican ladeee who runs like her arms are trying to wrap themselves around to hug herself..sorry for the Bitch that I am.

Today had me running to run..to get caught up in my mileage for the week as it looks like I won't be running at all this weekend. We will be hitting up Califas and all the fun that it holds..

But anyway..Its gonna be stressing me about my mileage for the week. I want to at least hit up 20 for the week..but my ass be tired..lol.

Imma try to not kill myself getting the mileage done..but I probs will knowing me.

I figure..if I keep running like I have been, the 4:30 marathon time for Pf Changs will be a "FO SHO" and not a "hmm...I hope so."

The 2:00 1/2 Marathon for LV has me in a doubting kind of mood. I want to. I REALLY WANT TO. Im scared to not ..but I'm scared I won't have that push in me to make me burn it out.

But back to the bitch that be me.

It freaks me out at time what can bring it out..

- A Scottsdale teen with Chanel glasses who drives in the fast lane while barely being able to look over the steering wheel and who is at the same time texting away on her celly.
- the Ladee at the drive-thru at Mickey D'z who "forgets" to give me bar-b-que sauce for my nuggets even though I told her 3 times I wanted it.
- the Man at La Fitness who took my treadmill even though there was a freaking line sucka! and who proceeded to ignore me while I told him, "THERES A LINE MAN!"
- being interrupted at work by peeps who are trying to solicit for stupid ass things.."NO WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN BUYING $500 A PLATE FOR A DINNER FOR THE MAYOR." OR..getting phone calls for our employees by peeps who should know not to call unless an emergency, and no, asking them to bring home a POP is not an emergency.
- Peeps who have no freaking phone manners...if you call someone, do not answer the phone with, "WHO DIS?" Your calling my freaking phone and no I do not speak spainish.
- obonoxious assholes who think they're shit dont stink, but unbeknowest to them, your the one who saves their asses from getting beat down.
- people who think that being from the "REZ" makes them somehow superiour to everyone who isn't. Or vice-versa.
- grapes that cost you $4.30 but taste like shit and consist of 20 green nuggets.
- my sistas!
- toilet paper that isn't charmin!
- people who say they don't drink but slam back a couple every once in a while..that shit takes away from those of us in the "STRUGGLE" who are sober and know how freaking hard it is...Don't make our stuggle less by claiming something you don't do.
- people who claim they're married but haven't done the deed. If you're married, your freaking married. If your not, your living in sin like the rest of us..heh.
- women who claim they raise they're kids, but in reality, they're kids are tucked back home on the rez with the parents while they're clubbing it up under the guise that they're "at school".

BITCH ON THAT..

Mon: 5 miles @ 8:12 min./miles in 41:05.
Tues:6.02 miles @ 8:11 min./miles in 49:22.

and the BITCH runs on..

jackass..

2006-09-23T23:11:00.000-07:00

I ran this morning. My usual long run on the weekends that I do on either Saturday or Sunday morning. It catches me off guard at time, I mean I have an inkling that im gonna run long either day, its just a particular mornng calls me out the door. Today was that morning.

I awoke with a whisper in my ear to get up..not literally understand, but mentally. Its like my internal clock gets me up and tells me, todays the day so get your ass up!! It was still semi-dark @ 6:30 in the A.M...so I got up, put in my new eyes..

(SIDE STORY - I broke my freaking glasses Thursday morning..literally in two! I guess I fell asleep with them on, rolled over, and they somehow ended up underneath the headboard, in two pieces, broken right between the eyes. During that time I was searching for my glasses, I had located my contact case and put one eye in, tried to put the other eye in and found out that my other contact was torn right in the middle! So there I was, with only one good eye, and no way to wear my glasses except for a piece of gray masking tape right down the middle...no freaking way. Me and my vain ass were blind in one until I was able to see the eye dr. and get a temporary pair of contacts. GuessI hadn't been to the eye dr. in like 3 years..and I so DReAD going to the freakign eye doctor..I have such bad eyesight I always feel like when I do go they're gonna yell at me for my poor eyes. Anywho..change of pace this checkup...my eyes actually FREAKING GOT BETTER!! By like some miracle I had gone down so much my Dr. was all freaked.."what have done differently since your last visit? he asked.

"well....I did have a Son."

BINGO! Isn't that a trip! I love my lil Man-BOI!!!!)

END SIDE-STORY..

So anywho..

I was up and antsy. I was trying to figure if I was gonna take this long run to Tempe Town Lake for at least a 10..or down old reliable at the canal.

I chowed down a banana and chugged down a cup and half of water. Now, I kinda figured if was going to run the 13.2 I planned to run..this wasn't gonna cut it. BUT, I had no GU, no time, and I HAD eaten some buff beans (O'odham style yo) and some popovers (aka frybread) the night before, so i figured that was enough sustenance to tide me over for the run....yea right.

Finally deciding on the canal.I was out the door.

Set my jams and I was off.

Then I had to stop...I fugged up my go button on my ipod that tracks my runs..so I had to stop and reset it and go again.

No big deal..but I was kinda pissed at the mileage I had lost because I had to reset but oh well..

Mile .77 flew by..then instead of turning left like I usually do, I turned right and added 2.7 miles of dusty farming road. It was a nice change of pace, as the road was flat, dirt, and with a faint breeze that felt good on my already hot skin. Making my way back to my original jumping off point, I felt trepidation at my mileage aimed at for today..and that feeling of being slightly off. Not really physically, but more mentally.

Mile 3 had me at slightly under 27 minutes..a good place to be. Then the stomach cramping began. Lets just say I had to detour behind some bushes....

But I emerged crampless and ready to kik ass. lol.

I hit mile 5 thinking I would stop at Pima Rd. ..but to my surprise I pushed myself foward with my nest goal being when I hit mile 6. THen when I hit mile 6.6..then at mile 7 and the rest area..I gave in and stopped for a potty break and some water. Too bad the potty was locked , but at least I got some water.

Streched for half a minute and I was off again..

much slower..running at about 9:30. BY this time I was running against the wind and it was pushing me down, whispering in my ear to stop again..to run slower..but I told it to shutup and kept my cool and paced it out. Kept it under 9:30 and made it back to Pima Rd...crossed back over the Rez line and pounded the dirt again.

Again, I was going to give myself a break at Pima, but I continued on, then I was going to break at the underpass, but I kept on trucking..all the way till I hit mile 10...where I did break for about a half a minute..but then I thought why? I wasn't all that tired..but I was beat down. By the sun, by lack of food, by my mouth watering at the thought of gatorade, by the trucks hacking up and spewing my dreaded allergens to my right...

So for today..I ran 11.10 miles in 1:39:44. Averaged 8:58 minute miles!

So for the week so far:

Mon: Kik Ass class (1 hr.)
Tues: 5:03 miles in 40:49/8:06 min/miles.
Weds: Family Time.
Thurs: 5.08 miles in 43:00/8:27 min/miles.
Fri: REST.
Sat: 11.13 miles in 1:39:44/ 8:58 min/miles.

Total so far for week: 21.24 miles.

Sunday I plan to run at least 7.5 miles. Hopefully I can find it in my to chug out an extra mile and a half to make it 30 miles for the week. Maybe split my run into two..I have a busy day tomorrow.

BTW..

if you haven't seen JACKASS II....your freaking missing out!

I laughed, I cried, I almost peed in my pants!

GO SEE IT!

everyone needs a good laugh once in a while..(as well as a good kik in the ass but thats besides the point..or is it?)

things that make me go HMM..

2006-09-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

- People who get french manicured toes..WHY? To me it looks like you have long funky toenails that need to be cut..semi-gross.

- makeup at the gym...I work out at LA FITNESS in Scottsdale and I see this everytime I go. Women fully decked out in makeup and hair that is down. How in the hell do you work out with your hair down? I mean doesn't it bother you? And makeup...whats the point? Its just gonna smear off...but then I see them after a "workout" and they look the same..so did you just come to be pretty compared to us sweaty busted ass women? have mercy..

- Fake boobies. I want to touch them just to see what they feel like. I know a couple of chicas that have em..but oww and ewww! I mean, haven't you seen those shows on the Discovery channel that show you how they slice open your breasts, stuff some kind of plasticy thing in there, and sew you back up? And you have to do it all over again 10 years later...ewww. But they so fascinate me..i point them out to D-man ..like look at that 50 year old ladee with the tig ol bitties, or look at that teeny tiny girl with size 40 DD boobs...fascinating. I want to go up them ask them why? and them touch them with my brown finger..does your finger sink it? or does it bounce back like a basketball? questions yo..

- where did respect go? If there is an older person walking in with you, let them go first, better yet, hold open the door for them and let them go first. Scottsdale peeps suck.

- if you are freakign driving..get off the cell phone! You cause accidents because youre not paying attention..and you suck balls.

long run of love

2006-09-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I knew I was going to run long as soon as I got up.

I had semi-planned it the night before, especially as I hadn't run the day before. My body was feeling the effects of chopping my Grandma's weeds for an hour an a half. I honestly believe that my nano gave the rhythm to forget how long and how hard I was working..I was into my jams yo. I swear, my Grandma had some weeds that were taller than me and as thick as baseball bat! I sweated, I chopped, I got a back spasm.

Anywho, yesterday I awoke determined to run with the sunrise.

I got up at 6 am., the Sun was barely coming out, so I got up and washed the face, and got my gear on. I chugged down two cups of water and stuffed my gu down my shorts. I didn't feel like eating at all, but I knew with the distance I planned to run, I would need some type of nourishment, so I found my old leftover Gu packet from last year's marathon and stuffed it in my shorts.

I stretched for a minute, got my just uploaded playlist situated, and walked a good 4oo yards to warmup. Walked down the dirt road, and stood and sent some words up for safety, and I was off.

I ran easy and with long strides..getting my groove on. I periodicaly checked my itunes + system to get my pace just right. I had figured with a long run of 10 miles, I wanted to average 9:00 minute miles in order to finish in an hour and a half.

I ran to the .80 miles to the dogs at the house, right before I hit the canal. I ignored them nipping at my heels and told them to guzzzant! I held my rocks loosely in my right hand..like I always do, and my keys that I use for a shank in my left.

Nice sqooshy dirt. It coated my legs in brownness and made my run feel as if I was running on air. Still keeping my pace in check..I passed about 4 peeps walking/running with their dogs. One was a Native man who was kicking ass..nice.

Again, I felt pity for my poor white belly and back..., sides I was gettin hot. Lets just say I got a nice tan on my back and belly...heh.

Before I had started my run, I had checked the temps on channel 10, according to the news, it was 75 degrees when I ran. THe air was so nice and cool..with a slight breeze lifting my hair.

Before I knew it, I had reached 3.5 miles and Pima Rd. I crossed the river and I was off the Reservation..lol.

Nice & easy..

I stopped at mile 6.2 to eat my gu and chug some water at the rest area.

Got my game face back on and began my run back to the rez.

By then, the sun was beating down my face and I was feeling tightness in my left foot.

But I finished..in 1:30:01. 9:00 minutes miles ...yea!

Total for week: 26 miles.

I rock.

the 100th..

2006-09-15T15:42:00.000-07:00

Thanks for sticking with me..through all my ramblings, my opinionated ass, my highhorse musings, my bitchiness, my running issh..Thanks.

***********;)

anywho...

Running iss for this week:

Mon: 1 hr. Kickass class.
Tues: 3.50 miles in 29:55. 9:03 min/miles.
Weds: 5.02 miles in 40:58. 8:09 min/miles.
Thurs: SLEEP DEPRIVED. Feel asleep at 5:30pm - 7A.M. Can't hang no more. lol.
Fri: 7.55 miles in 1:02:08. 8:13 min/miles. Yea!

Total for week so far: 16.07 miles.

-------------

I used to be an old skool runner.

Like my dad before me, I would take off into the sun with shoes, my keys and a smile.

I didn't use a stopwatch (only rarely when I would remember to use it), didn't carry water with me (stupid I know), and ran in cutoff t-shirts and raggy cotten shorts.

Now, I run with my coolmax tanks, nike + ipod nano that gives me much needed pacing info and accurate running times and distance, and a smile still.

I have learned to braid up my hair and use a headband to keep the retarded bangs at bay and to keep the sweat from lashing some other runner. I have also FINALLY learned to drink water before I run...and maybe even chow down some type of nourishment...or at least have a decent meal before hand.

I have learned how to blow out snot through my nostrils..and a finger. lol.

When I run, sometimes I don't have a specific goal in mind, maybe just to keep running until its not fun anymore.

Realistically, at times it hasn't been.

I believe that I started running without the love.

I ran through sickness and through health, not letting my body heal, not cutting myself any slack.

Running was becoming a chore.

Now, I am running with a clean slate.

The hated phglem and labored breathing has hidden itself away. In its wake, I find myself running like I haven't run before.

Effortlessly, freely, with that old love that keeps me in blisters and blue toenails..

I have actually increased my mileage and decreased my time! I am running like I never have before. I run and run with confidence and maybe wisdom. I am actually trying to take care of my body and listen to it. When it says RUN DAMMIT, I run, when it says, maybe today is break day..I break.

I guess I forget how hard it is to run with a semblance of a life. It is hard to factor in that time to properly give a run, to let its love wash over you, and not be a quick affair in a dirty hotel.., but a 3 day weekend at the Ritz Carlton.

Balence is something that i have had to learn, in everything, and especially in running.

I have to learn to balence my time for my family, my friends, my job, my running.

I still have a lot to learn..
- like that I need to drink more water and not so much iced tea and diet coke.
- to actually pack and drink water during the run.( but how do you do that? really)
- to eat something during my longer runs. (GU it up...but to me I feel like a sucka packing shit..I think thats only for 1/2er's or longer..in my mind, real races..)
- to slow my fast ass down on long runs..its about getting my body used to running for longer periods of time, and not how fast I can do it.
- to compete with my enemy..in my mind.
- to learn that I don't always have to beat someone..just myself.
- to not make excuses or what ifs..PAIN IS TEMPORARY, GLORY IS FOREVER.
- to run more hills. Or any at all.
- to let peeps know where I am running..
- to carry more with me than a key for a shank..
- to wear sunscreen.
- etc.etc..

point is..

I run.

The End.

heh.

Pedestal

2006-09-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

Pedestal

Your pedestal is falling down
Falling down falling down
Your pedestal is falling down
Falling down falling down

Record sales are on the mark
And that's about the time the rumors start
With all the people talking out of their ass
Well someone's got to sue you cause you've got no class
Well, I've paid my dues
I'm a seasoned dame
So why you's gots to throw salt in my game?
How can a person be so mean?

Who are you and what do you do that makes you think you're above me,
But have you walked in my shoes?
The pedestal that you put yourself on
I'm breaking it down now
It's gonna collapse and be gone
You're probably one of them tag alongs
You're a hanger-on
You think you've got me figured out
You have no clue what I'm about
I got things you wish you had
You need to stop hating
Get a pen and a pad

Tell me who you are and what your background is.
tell me how you're feeling when you listen to this.

You think I don't see you on the Internet [sounds of someone typing]
I'm ready
Don't think I won't forget

--Doesn't Fergie got it down?

Got this lil snippit of words off of perezhilton.com

Love it..

it speaks to me..

or is that I listen to it and it rings true..

or is it...

Its funny how its so easy to judge others...but we have to remember that the same fingers that are pointing at others, are the same fingers that are pointing right back at ourselves.

We can all learn from Fergie..

especially not to pee in our pants!! ROFLMBO..

peace and BLESSINGS..

im out to the SETs in a second to give a last harrah..

to give thanks to the one who gave this chica a chance..

and those kik ass people are worthy of giving a THANKS too..

remember..

we all KIK ass in our own ways..

STOOPID!!

2006-09-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Im bout to dropkick myself in the ass!!

I took off from work in a mad frothing at the mouth frenzy brought on by debt, my stupid procastination, and not wanting to deal.

I just got off the phone (yes I am a dinosaur that has a house phone) after 2 phone calls, 35 minutes, and some much needed transfer of funds...I AM DEBT FREE!!! well, relatively..

Ya see, there has been this HUGE FREAKING MONKEY on my back for the past 4 years when my DUMB ASS entered into an agreement that I was too young, inexperienced, and naive to enter into. Like a sucka, I blindly said yes, yes, yes...and signed papers that locked me into a black hole of vampire sucking proportions.

I wanted to get my biz off the ground with a quickness, and stupidly, I did it too fast, without reading the small print, and blindly believing in the good in people.

I have done a lot of things, business-wise, this way.

As the daughter of two business savvy and successful people, I should of freaking known better.

I could of dealt with this a looooooooooooooooooong time ago, but stupidly, I kept putting it off, paying outta pocket, blind to dealing with this crap.

FINALLY, I had it. Tired of the fees, the stress, paying for something that I don't even use..

I called.

and ya know freaking what? I AM FINALLY FREE!!

I am telling you all my tale of woe, because I would hate for anyone beginning in business to be suckered into a contract that is bad.

I am pissed at myself for being stupid..but I also know that this is one of those lessons learned the hard way that I needed to go through.

I am a sucka no more..

I have had dealings with people in this RED world who are not what they say they are, or do what they say they do.

I have had to deal with people who say one thing, but in reality, don't know their eye from their asshole.

NO worries, I include myself in this category. The above scenario being a glaring reality of naivetee.

However, in dealing with people, I have tried hard to keep my end of the bargain. I do what I say I will do, and mean what I say.

I have had to fill in on fashion show director duties as the "coordinator" of certain shows, failed to show up until the last minute. Leaving young models and designers to wait.,..on yea, she did show up, in time to get her makeup done and take credit for the show...

Had contracts with certain people to vend, with certain manifests agreed upon, where the party that was PAID in order for me to vend, where nowhere to be found.

Of course, there are the people who I have dealt with whom I have ungrudging respect for. Their professionalism and unegotistical demeanor make them shine. You know who you are...just like the liars and shysters know who they are.

Just be what you say..and honor your agreement and contracts. Do not use others to take advantage of them, be professional in all that you do.

Give someone a chance..just like someone did for me...

Take someone under your wing and teach them your lessons learned...

Take my hard earned lesson and use it..

THanks..

30 miles and running...

2006-09-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Last week I hit my goal of 30 miles for the week.

Mon: No Run.
Tues: 5.01 miles at 8:48 min/miles in 44:13.
(520 pm) 4.02 miles at 8:26 min/miles in 33:59.
Weds: 5.03 milea at 8:18 min/miles in 41:50.
Thurs: No run.
Fri: 10K run (10.06) km. at 5:29 min/Km in 55:15.
Sat: 6.07 miles in 9:02 min/miles in 54:53.
Sun: 4.02 miles in 8:53 min/miles in 35:46.

Total: 30.21 miles.

I dispute Fridays time as the thingamabob was again running after I thought I had turned it off..but oh well.

I am still running.

rock on.

Shi'Ta

2006-09-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

I run like my father.

I remember getting up when there was still no light in the sky, shi'ma washing my face with a wet rag. My brother and I were loaded into the car with my dad, and we both promply fell asleep.

I remember being among a crowd of half-naked people, even though it was like 60 degrees and no sun.

All of a sudden they all took off running.

I must have been 5.

I remember the sun cracking the sky wide with its light, and stopping here and there but I don't really remember why.

I do remember having a red bandana tied around my head and seeing shi'ta come striding in, a smile cracking his otherwise serious face. The salt had made his face white and his shirt was wet all the way through. I remember running and thinking, I could do that just like dad.

My first, but not last, memory of seeing my Dad run.

He would run on the dirt roads of Old San Carlos, the sandy, tan dips and hills for at least 6 miles each day.

My dad could run.

He ran so light and easy, you wouldn't even hear him except for his breathing and the swish swish of the dirt in his wake. He ran like a deer, quick, fast footfalls broken only by the soft balls of sand. He always looked straight ahead, seeing nothing but seeing everything. He told me later that he would run to get away from everthing, his stressors, his dreams, his obligations, it was his freedome and secret lover.

Even then, he never let me win.

I would try to race him, he would let me catch up, but never give in to me. He said, why let you win when it wasn't the truth. I love that about him.

People always say that I am just like him. From his eyes, to his mouth, to his blunt and competitive attitude. I am my father's daughter.

Now that I am older, I know that he, like myself, if full of faults. He is quick to anger, just like me, and quick to snap out his opinions, like me.

He is not perfect, but he is the best father that I could ever ask for.

He has taught me to be kind, to appreciate what I have and what I am capable of, to never give up, to go forward with my dreams, to never say can't, to be generous, to give and receive love, to FORGIVE.

There is so much more I could write, but I don't have to. I know my love in my heart, and he does too.

Happy Birthday Daddy..(and shi'ma too!!!)

--YES THEY ARE BORN ON THE SAME DAY...so is my Godfather, James M., and my Uncle, Lorenzo N. ......trip eh?-----------------------------

Run MARION Run

2006-09-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

I am currently puffy-eyed and semi-awake.

Set up Son-boi with some cereal and a square of toast.

Get in a quick blogging while he's watching his "THOMAS".

Quick rundown:

Tues: 5.03 miles at 8:18/min/miles in 41:50.

Total for the week: 14 miles.

I plan to gun at least another 5 miles today.

ALSO..

MARION JONES was cleared of all drug charges and is now re-instated to run again !!!When I heard that last nite on CNN I pumped my arms in the arm on the treadmill, I was so happy I got chills. She is one of my hero's, and we're the same age!!

sick girl.

2006-09-06T07:17:00.001-07:00

Giving my running much thought.

I figured out with ALL my sickness, allergies, and lingering chest congestion, I have been averaging on the real, about 20 miles a week, with a few and far between 30 mile averages.

No where near the mileage per week that I should be at.

I was shooting for at least 30 mile per week averages with at least one run of at least 9 miles per week. I have been slacking as of late due to the "SICKNESS" that I have been as of yet, unable to shake. I average about 4-5 days a week of running, down from my 6 days running. I believe it is/was my inability to let my body fully rest to recover from this phantom sickness. This weekend, I took it off. I rested from Friday morning to Monday evening. No run, not much activity, and lots of laying down time with a humidifier and nyquil. 4 straight days of much needed rest to my body.

Yesterday, I got up at 5:30 am. and felt the need to run.

I drank a cup of tap water and put on my gear.

Left a note for my Men as to where I was going, jumped in the ride and headed out to my park running spot.

I felt relaxed and ready to go.

5 miles was a struggle. My breathing again is the issue.

I hate to say it, but I think I may have a slight case of asthma.

Im going to book an appoitment and check.

Pray for me.

When I run inside, I am fine. Slight catch in the breathing, but no tightness. Outside, I can feel my lungs loose and doing their job in the beginning, in the end, I feel the tightness creep in and no matter how I try to loosen my lungs with deep, slow breathes, there is something there that I cannot shake. I have read up on asthma being induced by allergies, and some cases of exercise induced asthma. Maybe Im just being paranoid, I sure hope so. However, it seems that since I has pneumonia last year, my lungs have never been quite the same.

I still run, however. I have never reached a point where I feel that I absolutely cannot breathe, but I do have that tightness in my chest that scares me and only relaxes when I stop and continues for a while after my run.

Maybe my ass is just running too fast. lol.

Anywho..

Mon: Work/rest.
Tues: 6 AM - 5.01 miles/8:48 min/mil. 44:13.
5:20 - 4.02 miles/8:26 min/mil. 33:59.
= 9.03 miles.

Peace and BLESSINGS...

pinkeye!

2006-09-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

My entire family now has pinkeye!

Minus yours truly and Babee Boi..(already had it).

Lysol is now my middle name.

GREEN CHILE FRAUD!!

2006-09-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

My brotha's to the north do not know how to make a green chile burro.

I don't know how else to say it yo.

We were up in the "GreeN" aka chill woosh', this past Saturday to take in the 3 hour parade and stare at peepz.

Arrived at the Rodeo/carnival starving. Picked out this booth that shi'ma and I got all thrilled over because there sign "claimed" they had "green chili burritos". D and Lil Tiger got their usual popovers aka frybread, and Mom and I awaited our "green chili burritos". After about 15 minutes, we finally received our much anticipated food.

D got his, Babee got his, and Mom and I opened up our shiny tin foil of happiness. The bread, from the outside looked good, thick, lightly tan, with nice black wire marks pitted on the outside. My mouth watered in anticipation of that first delectable, bready bite.

Um, needed salt.

I opened up the bun to expose the inside to pepper it strong with some ish'ii, when my appetite stopped cold.

The inside was freaking filled with HAMBURGER!! and like 2 miniscule pieces of green chile!!!! They looked like they had shaved off slivers from the chile and had placed exactly 2 tiny pieces in designated positions within the "burrito". !!!

Now, I am half O'odham. We know what a green child burrito looks and tastes like, and that was NOT A FREAKING GREEN CHILI BURRITO!!

I was so upset because I was really looking forward to eating green chili, and we had waitied like 15 minutes for a disappointement.

I ate like 1/3 of it becasue I was freaking starving, but then just tossed it the roaming rez dogs on the way out. I was just too disappointed to eat anymore.

Im sorry my brothas in Whiteriver, maybe I just got a bad booth, but don't be making claims about "GREEN CHILI BURRITO" when you have no clue...

Hamburger does not equal Green chili...

Im like still in shock about the whole debacle.

"shakes head"

so pretty Im ugly...

2006-08-31T22:17:00.000-07:00

I have a nice new splotchy red eyeball whose lid is halfway down, heavy with eye bibith. Pretty.

I have officially caught my Son's eye infection, but I am glad that he is free of the itchy eyeball.

So, I have not been able to put in my contacts, well I could, but then my contacts would be all infected and you would be able to see my gross eye smack dab in front of you, plus the unbearable pain, but I digress.

Back to the contacts debacle, I have since had to run on the treadmill inside since sans contacts and sans glasses I cant see shyt.

I have had to forgo these lovely afternoon/evening running temps due to the monsoon clouds and see them from the clanking of a treadmill. Thus, I have only run outside once this week so far.

Mon: 6.03 miles at 8:47 min/mile in 53:01
Tues: Shot full of hormones. Zombie like state.
Weds: 4.04 miles at 8:14 min/miles in 33:20
Thurs: 5.22 miles at 8:25 min/miles in 44:03

I dispute the last time in the Thurs. entry. I planned on taking it to at least 4, but I was focused since I couldn't see anything, I concentrated on my run, form, breathing, gurgling stomach. I ran 5. When I finished my 5, I tried to end the workout on my nike + gear by pushing the MENU button as per instructions, however I thought I had stopped it and was just walking for my cooldown an additional 5 minutes. I checked on my times 2 minutes from when I first stopped the timer, and it was still going! Thats the real complaint I have for the NIKE + system, well not actually the system, but the armband. Its covered with black fabric, ideally to prevent your stinking sweat from touching its shiny black body, but if you are a perfectionist like me, it will drive you crazy since you want to be SURE you have turned your system off. In order to do this, you have to disconect your earbuds from yoru Nano, and slide your Nano out of its protective Darth Vader-like sheath. No easy feet as the armband is pretty skintight to the Nano, and the earbuds are plugged in such a way that you practically have to rip off the cord. Whew.

Anywho, I dispute the time because when I first checked my time, I thought it said 41:45? THe 41 is for sure, its the seconds that I am not sure about. I remember the 41 because I about jumped out of my skin...thats a PR for me.

Anywho, 8:25 minute miles is pretty good, so Ill take it.

I plan to run at least another 5 in the morning tomorrow. We will otherwise be rolling in GODS COUNTRY tomorrow nite and Saturday. Acorn stew here I come!!!

We want to take in out brothers to the North's White Mtn. Apache Tribal Fair, but if its raining and if shi'Ta can't get away, thats scrapped. I will at least eat some tamalecho and pound the dirt back home...wait, I cant see. Dang..Ill figure something out..maybe run with a guide dog. Heh.

Im exited for life. Im so happy I feel like im floating. Who knew happiness can come in the form of a tuna sub and 2 snoring men? hehehe.

+++NEWS+++

We have officially registered for the Las Vegas Half Marathon on Dec. 10th!!!

VEGAS here we come....

2:02....here I come!!!

NIKE +

2006-08-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

Last nite I finally broke in my Nike + system, from the shoes, to the (black)Nano, to the new pristine white earbuds..I broke it all in.

I placed the little white plastic $30 buck piece in my never been used gray and red nike left shoe. Anticipation colored my world.

Placed my nano its new red and black case (lovin those colors yo), then had to take it out again to make sure the white thingamabob was attached to the end (which reads to the shoe and your footfalls..sweet eh?). Went to Menu on the Nano, selected Nike +, went on to playlists and chose my "run your ass off" list, and slipped my new toy back in its snug protector.

I was so excited I didn't want to waste any time to calibrate my run..so I just went off.

Kinda had a hard time getting the whole thing situated, from putting the Nano in its case, to making sure the earbuds were plugged in, to making sure I had the system all set to go when I actually began my run.

Finally, I jetted off into the darkness. Oh, then remembered to press the center button to get the system gelled to my run.

I ran till I got back to where I pressed the button, and pressed it again. This female voice came talking all loud in my ear, " You have run 1.47 miles in 13 minutes 7 seconds." SWEET!!!

I ran like I hadn't run in 2 days. I felt light and free, and sweaty. Sometimes, I love to run in darkness. Feeling out my form, my breathing, my legs. Last nite had me running fierce.

I ran that park 4 times. Each time monitoring my pace with that women's voice talking all loud in my ear. I was running 8:45, 8:50, 8:32, and once at a 9:05.

I finished in 52:01. I ran 6 miles in 8:47 min/miles. I burned 630 calories.

Nike + rocks.

Cool plus? It stores all your workouts and can upload them to the NIke+ website to monitor your progress and see if you meet your goals. YOu can challenge yourself to run a certain mileage, certain number of calories, or time.

I LOVE IT...

walking funny

2006-08-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

I have a bad back.

Actually, it's a little more complicated than that. I have scoliosis.

I remember being 12 and having to go to the specialist in Globe. I knew then that whatever it was must be pretty serious, the hospital in San Carlos couldn't handle it, so I was referred out. Which I knew even then, was bad news.

It all started with those tests they use to give us at school. Ya know, line up, check your eyes, check your ears, measure and weigh you, touch your toes. It was the toes part that I had to do 4 times. They kept telling me to do it over and over again, finally telling me that my hips were not even. I was like ok, what does that mean? They called my Mom and right away arranged for an appointment in Globe. My Mom was so anxious, but I was just happy that I would have to miss school.

My mom explained to me that the nurse at my school explained to her, that when I bent over to touch my toes, one side of my hips was higher than the other, meaning that either one leg was longer than the other, OR that my spine was crooked. If it turned out to be my spine, then because I was young and still growing, I might need to wear a brace to align my spine. That news punched me in the gut. I remember reading a book of Judy Blume's called Deenie. In it, Deenie, the main character, is diagnosed with scoliosis and has to wear this big humongous brace till she stops growing. I couldn't put my head around the fact that my life might soon mirror that book.

The day of the appointment, I tried not to think about it, but I prayed so hard that night before to not have this awful thing happen to me.

The doctor examined me, measured my legs, and took x-rays.

I was diagnosed with scoliosis.

I had/have a slight curvation to the base of my spine. The doctor explained that my bones seemed to have reached the end of my growth, and thus, because I was almost done growing, a brace was not necessary for right now. I about jumped out my seat with joy, but my mother was silently crying in the corner. I mean, I was still scared with the thought of this scary sounding name attached to me for the rest of my life, but I was so freaking happy to not have to wear a brace and end up like poor ostracized Deenie. Funny thing is, I grew another 2 inches in the next 2 years.

The doctor went on to further explain that at my age then, I would probably not experience any pain or discomfort, however, as I got older, my back would more than likely get worse. The only thing I could do to combate the pain and eleveate it, would be to exercise, keep my weight down, and eat lots of calcium.

So hear I am, 30 years old with scoliosis. My back pain is a constant thing, in a way, I guess I have gotten used to it. People tend to think that I am fidgety, but really, I am trying to make myself more comfortable. I am constantly arching my back, stretching, popping. I cannot sit for very long in chairs that are hard or without a back. It hurts too much. Its funny to think of myself as in constant pain, but its not really, maybe discomfort is the word? Or maybe I have just gotten used to it. At nite, it is hard to sleep, to get into a position that is comfortable for my back, I wake almost every nite to stretch and lay on the floor.

I have heard stories of my grandmother, whom I have never met, walking with a side to side motion that I also do when I am tired. I often wonder if I take after her, if she had scoliosis too, but back then what skin knew what that was?

I accept my scoliosis and its encroachment on my life, but I won't ever use it as an excuse to be labeled "sick" or "disabled". I'm not. Just a ladee with a bad back.

PS. I would hate to think that peeps look at this as a post labeled "poor me poor me.", its not. Just a declaration that hey im not perfect, (physically anywho ..lol) but I'm not using anything as an excuse to keep me down.

Flu-man

2006-08-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I believe the flu-man tried to catch me.

I laid it down to a full day of work...sleepy, achy, congested, and worn out. Got the call from daycare about Son-boi around 3:30 pm. Jetted to his school and picked him up amid a flurry of kisses and gentle hugs. He was cranky and whiny..with a boogery nose and temp of 101.

Came home and proceeded with the children's tylenol and rest. We laid down to an hour of Judge Judy, well I tried to.

Daddy came home and scooped up Son...I drank some Nyquil (straight gangsta outta the bottle - no spoon) and found myself waking up at 11pm. Hungry than a mofo..
Warmed up some Chicken Noodle soup, ate, and fell back asleep.

As is.. no run yesterday.

I have run a total of 10 lousy miles this week.

Mon: 6 miles.
Tues: No run.
Weds: 4 miles. 35:24. 8:51 minute miles.
Thurs: No run. Nyquil to blame.
Fri: Planned 6 miles?

This sickness is trying to get me...but I won't let it.

I acutually bought Meds. A big 72 count Costco bottle of Tylenol Sinus Congestion and Pain, that claims to get rid of chest congestion, headache, sinus pressure, and nasal congestion. We can only hope.

This is freaking me out. When I ran last Weds, I could actually feel my lungs get tighter with every mile. At the end, I was having to rely on little shivery breathes..

Phlegm sucks balls.

Breaking up

2006-08-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Check out Shannon Daugherty's new show.."Breaking Up with Shannon Dougherty".

It kills.

She is so bad ass.

I actuallly got that line from a sure goot fren..she said it about me. It's the best complimente I ever got. Heh.

Spin artist

2006-08-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

I just got word on peeps who sponge off others hard-earned cash.

That shit will bite ya in the ass.

If you plan on going somewhere..plan accordingly. Don't expect to "crash" somewhere and act all innocent as to that wasn't your original plan in the first place.

If you are freaking over 25..or even 21 years old. Handle your shit...be a freaking man/ADULT and PAY your way.

No one really cares if you are "famous" in the world, be it Native or otherwise, what people remember is your actions, or lack there of.

I remember this same person who crashed at my pad, feed this person, gave them some clean sheets and liquid to drink. Did I get a Thank YOU? HELL NO! Did this person even do what they were supposed to? Hell no! This person was too faded to even do that.

I will always remember peeps who are ungrateful and a lie.

You say you are all about what you love, and being down for the Red, but if you are, you really freaking are....then doesn't that begin with being humble and gracious?

Thank you are only two words, use them.

This had bothered me for a minute..but then it happened again to someone I LOVE with all my heart, so I just shake my head and cross out that name.

Don't you ever freaking learn?

No wonder people say you are an asshole.

If people only knew the real story behind the spin.

I forgive, but I never forget.

Peace..

law-in

2006-08-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

Last week I only ran 15 miles.

Mon: V-Man sick. No go on the run
Tues: V-Man still sick.
Weds: Me sick.
Thurs: 4 Miles. 35:18. 8:49 minute miles.
Fri: 7 miles. 1:01. 8:32 minute miles.
Sat: 4 miles. 36.00 9 minute miles.
Sun: In-law duty.

This week.

Mon: 6 miles. 53:13 8:50 minute miles.

Goal for this week: 30 miles.

Im still running.

In-laws in this weekend.

Tired.

ITUNES..I love you.

2006-08-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

Just downloaded some new tunes...

check it:

Scotty Doesn't Know -Lustra
London Bridge -Fergie
The Joker -Steve Miller Band
Satisfaction -Benny Benassi & the "Biz"
Tim McGraw -Taylor Swift
Invisible -Ashlee Simpson
(When You Gonna)Give It Up To Me -Sean Paul F. Keyshia Cole
Strike It Up -Black Box
Breathe On Me (jacques remix) -Britney Spears
Vato -Snoop Dog F. B-Real
Lyte As A Rock -MC Lyte
Gyrlz, They Love Me -Heavy D & the Boyz
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah -Oaktown's 357
Call On Me -Janet Jackson
I'm A Slave For You -Britney Spears
Outrageous -Britney Spears
Fu-Gee-La -Fugees
Good Riddance (time of your life)-Greenday
All the Good Ones Are Gone -Pam Tillis
Like Toy Soldiers -Eminem
Hooked On You -Sweet Sensation

ITUNES I LOVE YOU!

take it into me.

2006-08-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

Son-boi has had a fever the past two days.

Yesterday had me staying here at home with him, cuddling him and making him choke down his dreaded children's Tylenol. I have changed his lil pull-ups like 40 times. Projectile vomited clothing is now sitting in a the dryer.
Pobrecito.

I actually went to work this morning for a few hours. Had to go in to do what I do. Shi'ma was able to watch my love and it is now me that sits with him this afternoon. He actually ate some cheese crisp and managed to even shoot some baskets. His lil eyes are still a bit droopy and he is still slightly warm. However, he is a lot better than he was yesterday.

Right now, he is napping in his Thomas the Train bed. Asleep and yelling at me in his dreams.

As most moms will tell you, I have managed to catch a bit of his sickness too. But, like many Moms will tell you true, Moms are never really sick. We can't be.

Just like anything that causes him pain, I wish it on me instead. It's funny how there is not question in my mind that I would put my life to the sky to benefit his. I want to shoulder all the pain he will face in this life, to take it within myself and shelter him from the world and its anger & hate. I know that this is not possible, or even healthy., but when you have a child, you can understand.

I know now, when my mother said," When you have your own child, you will understand."

It's funny when you realize she was right.

enough

2006-08-11T08:35:00.002-07:00

HOw did it get to be Friday already?

Here's a quick recap of the week so far...

Mon: 1 Hr. Kickbox..(1 hour of burning lactic acid..)
Tues: 6 miles. 54:02. 9:00 minute miles.
Weds: 4 miles. 35:18. 8:49 minutes miles.
Thurs: 4 miles. 36:07. 9:01 minutes miles.
Friday: Tentative 6 miles scheduled.

I'm still having my breathing issues. But i've just learned to suck it up and keep going. It sucks hocking loogies trying to unblock my plugged up breathing passages, but my body is feeling fine. On the bad news front, now my back is starting to ache by my lungs. Badness. This is not a good sign. However, I do not feel sick in the slightest, just occasional deep coughs that give my abs a workout.

I guess I am a slave to the run.

If I go a day without running. I feel guilty. I feel unbalenced.

Of course there are days when all I want to do is sit and drink a diet coke. Im burned out tired from the day, but somehow I get the juice flowing knowing I will be pounding out the ickiness from the day on my bloody, smelly, dirty shoes.

When I run, it is my time for myself. For me. For Dre. I run and its all on me to kick ass or to suck balls.

Running frees me from my duties as a mother, lover, homey, friend, daughter, cook, cleaner, worker bee, etc etc. I need to run to be me.

I love seeing how my legs ripple when I move..how my muscles are so tight and my legs are strong. I love running my hands down my thighs and feeling the strength that has come from many miles of sweat and tears.

I run because I have to. Simple as that.

Stronger than we think..

2006-08-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

I don't often dwell on things that make me look inside.

Tonite was a nite of reflection.

Luxeriating in an episode of "Fight Girls" while my two men slept soundly, I fell into how we as women, hold so much in. On the show, the women fought like tigers, physically. Mentally and emotionally spent after the fight was over, they almost always cried. I felt myself blink back, again and again as I lost myself in thier stories of strength, both physically and emtionally. We as women carry so much.

We as women, forget how strong we really are.

We carry the burdens of our pasts, as well as the burden of our futures on our backs. We are the ones called upon to be strong for our families, the foundation to the chaos that continually threatens to break us down. We shoulder so much, sometimes we forget that we are still who we were at 18, young and full of dreams.

I still get startled at times when young men call me "ma'am." lol. It startles me and I think," When in the hell did I become a Ma'am?" Even though I am 30, I still feel like I am 20, unsure of what the future holds, aware of how much of the world is out there calling me to live, still feeling the quake in my step at the thought of real responsibility. Then, reality check, I am a mother now. I have bills to pay. I no longer have the freedom to just go out and do as I please. I have the beginnings of wrinkles in the corners of my beautiful brown eyes. Rap music is beginning to irritate me. heh. I think of buying a new washer & dryer instead of a new outfit. But at the same time, I embrace the thought of being looked at as a WOMAN. Not a young woman, or a yound ladee, but a full out and out WOMAN. My vibe now screams out, " I HAVE LIVED DAMMIT! and I AM STILL MUTHA FU****G HERE!""

I have gone through both fantastic belly laughs, and bone-crushing pain. Looking back, there may be a few tweaks that I might push in, but I would never have changed anything to get to this point in my life, here with my Son and my Family I now have. We all live through pain, just like we all have lived through kool-aid smile inducing happiness, the point I believe is getting the opportunity to LIVE through it all.

I have always been one to say "F it, lets go." If there was something that I wanted to try or do. 9 times out of 10 I have. I have always tried to follow my heart, even if it meant mine was breaking. I have never wanted to look at myself and been ashamed of who I am, as I have in the past. I have made so many choices in this life for selfish reasons, but now all my choices are dictated by the love I have for my Son and the life that I wish to give him.

Now, as my Mother before me, I live my life for my child.

There were choices placed before me with the miracle of my Son's announcement to this world, choices that I had to make that were going to change the rest of my life. In my mind there was no question, I chose my Son.

I knew He was a miracle give to me by God. He is the best and hardest thing I have and will ever have done. Everyday, I struggle with this life give to me, I struggle with patience, with uncertainty, with worry, with my love for this joy named Victorio. I have discovered strength that I never knew I had. Everyday is a new discovery as I see the world through his lovely black eyes. He is the keeper of my heart, the missing piece that I never knew I could never live without, he is my life.

As Women, we constantly are faced with obstacles and pitfalls that are thrown in our paths, but we as women should know, God never gives us more than we can handle.

That we are strong, stronger than we think.

glorious 10

2006-08-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

10 glorious miles I have run.

After being a sucker for the past two days, I got my lazy bootie up with the sun and proceeded to hit up my beloved canal.

I actually awoke at 5 am. as our Son had crawled into bed with us. I had to do some jedi moves out the bed to sneak away. However, my jedi moves were not that good as Son-boi kept waking up and throwing his leg over my stomach and grabbing at my chest..heh. I did FINALLY manage to sneak away and let D know where I was running about 5:30 am. Sun was still coming up so I chilled and drank some apple juice and a handful of wheat thins. Chugged a propel real quick and headed out the door with my jams.

I didnt strech but just began an easy walk just past my Mom's house, and then proceeded to an easy jog to warm up. The sun was out at 6:15 when I began my trot. I had to conciously make myself run slower than my normal pace as I was predicting this as an easy kinda long run. I really had no idea how long I was going to run, but that I was going to at least make it to Pima Rd. Picked up my rocks and kept them close, just in case.

Before I knew it, I had lost myself in the run and I had made in out to Pima Rd. I crossed the road and kept on gliding. I was feeling free with only a slight grimace in foot from the blisters that are still wet. Gross.

I ran and ran. Felt kinda giddy from running so free, I felt myself try to step it up in my pace, but again, I had to slow my fast ass down..lol.

Made it to Hayden Road and kept going.

Turned around about halfway down, still feeling good.

Ran back down to a public bathroom where I hit up the water fountain. I had contemplated not stopping, but I knew I needed to drink something as I had, and mostly never do, pack anything to drink. I know.

Drank it up and proceeded to run it on home. The sun was out fullforce but there was a gentle breeze cooling me off as me and Mr. Sun had it out face to face.

During my run, I had pulled up my racerback coolmax tank to get some sun on my poor white belly & back. I felt strong and in shape. Mostly, I get embarressed when I run with a short shirt, mostly because I am self-concious. Not this time, I had my stomach out for the whole world to see. Not that is by any means a six-pack, but I don't think I will send peeps out screaming "cover up!". heh.

Anywho, I ran and I ran.

Stopped another time to stretch out my foot as it was starting to cramp up due to my weird running form caused by my blisters.

Finished it in about 1:42 minutes? No stopwatch, just went by the kitchen clock.

I feel strong..and I feel accomplished.

For the week, I have run 18 miles in 3 days with blister encrusted feet. Yea!!

Peace..

blisters are not your friend either..

2006-08-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

I am writing from the office, waiting for my brother-man to come back to the store to unlock the door to his office where I have locked my car keys, and subsequently, my keys to said office as well. STOOPID!

Anywho, its been that kind of day.

On jetting back from Globe after a fun-filled afternoon meeting with some biz peeps, I hit up the LA Fitness in Gilbert to get my run on before my evening of birthday parties and Hooters clam chowder. I got a secret thriller chill at running at a La Fitness that wasn't my usual haunt. Kind of like when I used to sneak out at nite during high school, will I get caught and is the risk worth the possible jail time? heh. I entered the facility and was kinda disappointed to find it looked almost exactly like the Snottsdale La Fitness. Booked it to the locker room and proceeded to change into my workout gear. Upon pulling out my shoes, I realized I forgot to pack my socks. Freak! I hesitated for like a second and thought, "FUGG IT." Pulled on my beautiful pristine white Nike's sans socks and ran up the stairs to a treadmill. BIG MISTAKE. I had laced up my shoes pretty tight, thinking I've run with out socks before, just as long as I get my 5 miles in im golden. BIGGER MISTAKE. I put in my pace at good ole 6.6 and proceeded with my 9:05 minute miles. The first mile had me humming to Leela James and watching CNN. I felt no pain. Mile 2, jetted up the pace to 6.8, 8:56 minute miles and I was good. Mile 2.5 had me feeling my right foot go bad. I mean I literally felt my blisters form and begin to rub against the insole of my shoe. Then, POP. Nice bloody smooshiness grating against the back of my ankle on my left side. From there, it all went downhill.

You may ask, why the hells didn't you stop when you felt the blisters form? much less pop? Let me tell you this, because I wanted to at least finish my 3.5 miles dammit. Runners will feel me on this one. I just had to finish.

Mile 3 had me limping on my right foot, but I compensated by relying on my right outer foot, exerting all my weight there and on my toes, and thus, you guessed it, forming some new pretty blisters on my piggies.

I was a blister fool.

I got to thinking about peeps who had complained about blisters before and how I thought they were all suckers. I have never had blisters that I could feel and actually make me want to stop running before. I mean, sure I've had blisters, probably dozens, but not to the point where they affected my running and actually made me think of stopping cause they were bothering me that much to actually make me want to stop. I pushed the blisters down in my mind, and got to thinking about peeps who fomrned blisters during a race, such as a marathon or 1/2 marathon. Dang those suckas had some balls if their blisters were feeling like mine were at the moment, and they freaking finished the run! Hats off to those running fools...for realz.

Mile 3.5 had me counting down till I could end the agony. I felt my form becoming ragged and ugly, probably looking like someone who was drunk on a treadmill.

I hobbled off the treadmill at 32 minutes. I had accomplished my 3.5 in 30 minutes with a 2 minute cooldown.

Sucka that I am, I hobbled over to the bikes to compensate for my lost running mileage. I did a mile in 5 minutes. Still, feeling mile-less, I hobbled over to the elliptical and did 11 minutes.

Hobbled down and stretched out with a 100 ab crunches on the stablity ball.

Hobbled over to the locker room and proceeded to the shower.

BIGGEST MISTAKE.

You could hear the echo of my screaming out "SHIT!" throughout the hallways. Never, never, never, never jump into a hot shower with fresh open wounds of blisters that burn when your salty sweat drips down and embeds itself in your red achy wound. I bit my lips together and ran them under the water and sucked it up.

Moral: NEVER EVER EVER EVER run without socks, no matter how tough you think you are. You will end up a sucker with ugly welty blisters and cheap ass mileage to show for it.

Damn.

Workout for the week so far:

Mon: 30 minutes kickbox class. (sucky teacher so I left early). 20 minutes bike.
Tues: Rest.
Weds: 5 miles in 45:05 9:01 minute miles.
Thurs: 3.5 miles in 30 minutes. 8:56? minutes miles. 5 minutes on the bike. 16 minutes on the elliptical.

Those High HEELS are not your FRIEND....

2006-08-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

In Vegas a couple of weeks back. I tried on these killer leopard skin 3 inch cork heels. I feel in love the first time i saw them.

I guess I was all caught up in the Vegas magic as I do not normally wear heels, at all. I was eyeballing them with the intention of wearing them out for a night of clubbing and red bulls. I sat my bootie down in Steve Madden and awaited my lovely shoes.

Tucked in a beaitiful white box, my shoes were unveiled to me in my size 7 1/2's. Wrapped in plastic and stuck here and there with some type of paper molding, there were free to be put on my awaiting piggies.

I touched the velvety softness of the shoe and enhaled that "new shoe" smell. I glided the right side on my foot and felt my foot ease into something other than running shoes.

I stood up, and promptly started wiggling to and fro. DAMN, I forgot how killer heels are. I hobbled to the mirror and gazed at my pumped up calf muscle and how hard I was working the shoe. I loved, loved, loved the way the shoe rocked! However, I did not think I would last a walk down the mall let alone a night of debauchery and dancing at Rain.

Alas, it seems that my feet have gotten use to the easy spread and soft cushioning of my running shoes and assorted work shoes. No high heels in my repetoire as of late, and thus a suble spreading of my toe box that makes the squeezing of one's toes into a shape that one's foot is never supposed to be in near impossible.

I left those beautiful shoes in their pristine white box ...

Sigh..I miss pretty shoes.

Karma isn't always a MOFO

2006-08-01T12:49:00.001-07:00

Friday nite we grooved to the beautiful sounds of Santana's fluid fingers.

We danced till 12 am.

On the way out, I had the vague feeling of missing something. I attributed this to me not carrying my bag (NOT PURSE), and D carrying out our bags of Santana gear.

Made a pit stop at the pottys, and moved on and out the gates. About 5 steps out, I paused and yelled out, " MY CELL!".

I checked my shorts and sure enough, it was gone.

I had brought my celly in to the concert to capture some pix, and keep close in case my Mommacita had to call about our Lil Tiger. I had stuffed in my front right pocket of my hoochie shorts (heh), and it was a snug fit. Apparently, when we had gotten off the ground to groove to Santana's last 15 minute song, the celly had fallen out.

My celly is a sleek silver brick that holds all my contacts info, my pix of Son and my travels this summer, locked text messages (yes I am a sap), all my downloaded ringtones and songs, and my beloved Tetris game. I love my celly. I felt my heart sink down to my toes at the thought of it in the hands of someone else's grubby hands.

D followed me back to the gate as I asked the Skin ladee if I could go back in as I had lost my celly. She looked me over and saw my face of panic and Skinness and let me pass by. I ran up the stairs and flew to where we had been standing. All I saw was a vast green lawn of strewn plastice cups, paper, and crumpled wrappers, but no phone.

I looked and looked, scanning every inch of the ground. I could feel my face scrunch up in worry and sadness.

In my peripheral vision, I had noticed this couple. The man had picked something up off the ground, and I thought that was it, he has my celly and how do I tackle him and hold off his chica so I can grab my phone? As I was planning how to bum rush them, they came up to me and asked, " Did you lose a celly phone?"

He the proceeded to produce my celly with his right hand.

I grabbed it and said' "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"

They said no prob. and proceeded on down the lawn.

I was so happy I ran all the way back to D and our entourage, sweaty and wearing my Kool-Aid man smile.

I was so freaking lucky.

It wasn't till I was talking to D about it when I thought that I should have offered them something, given them $10 or something. damn. My bad.

I guess it just goes to show, when you throw goodness out there, it comes back.

Thanks Karma.

5 ugly miles.

2006-07-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

I ran my 5 ...ugly.

I didnt want to do it. I wanted to lounge on the comp, play with my Son, and eat some spaghetti. At about 5:30 I had a tentative plan to run the canal, before it got too dark and while it was still semi-cool. Got distracted visiting my parents and making plans for dinner..

At about 6:30 I still had plan to run the canal. Got distracted talking to D. and making a new playlist with my Son "helping" me decided what songs to add.

At 7 pm I laid down.

At 7:15 D asked if I was still going to run..or did he need to do the spaghetti.

7:18 I started the spaghetti and then D shooed my out the door.

I broke out at about 7:30 p.m. I was going to run the canals, but it got a bit too late and too close to the darkness, so I just drove on by and made my way to my usual park.

I got out..forgot to grab my stopwatch, and forgot to look at my car clock. Made my way to the potty and drank some sewer water. Stretched it out as much as I do, and made myself book it at an easy pace. I felt OK the first 3 miles..then mentally I had to crank it up.

My body was feeling strong, but in the lyrics of the Geto Boys, "My mind was playing tricks on me."

Mile 3.5 I had to push myself to go, I had no will to keep it up. Didn't help that it was humid as a mug last nite, and made more so by the fake lake.

Mile 3.8 had me stopping to do my 100 ab crunches on my trail exercise route. I had to make myself push onward.

Mile 4 had me stopping to drink some H20, which I was gulping down. Bad move. I immediately got that retching feeling, dehydration yo. I should've known that 24 oz. propel wasn't going to cut. Saturday nite had me drinking many red bull, diet coke and one O'douls. 24 ounces of water against all that equals dehydration. I should've known fool.

Pushed on to complete an ugly 5 miles.

But I did it, I ran my 5, and for the week I ran my 30 miles with my 2 days of running outside.

I rock, though sometimes ugly.

10 miles in a day.

2006-07-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon after a major stressor left town at work, I got released at 3:30 p.m. Yeah....

With my extra time to play, I decided to run for the second time that day. I had to do a pit stop at my local Walgreens to pick up some Propel (Kiwi-Strawberry is the bomb yo), and a fresh pair of hair ties. I forgot to throw them in my bag that morning, sides I always manage to break them, even my special Goody ones that are supposed to be extra strong and made for physical activity. I think my hair is extra strong..or maybe I just got stuck with that crazy O'odham/Apache hair that is fine, but THICK with a crazy wavy that refuses to abide by hair products. Its even crazier with all this humidity from our sister monsoons.

Anywho, made it to the gym and booked another 5 miles.

So in total, I ran 10 miles yesterday!! Yea man..

Last nite, after the run I didn't have time to stretch out as I had to book it to grab Son-boi outta daycare to jet to see shi'Ta before he left home for God's Country, then make it to D'z B-ball game at the Fort.

WHEW....

Last nite, after we made it back home after the game(S), and I proceeded to lie down and go to sleep. I was so tired I forgot to eat. This morning I woke up lethargic and feeling achy in my legs. "SIGH", I kinda love that soreness from running long. It makes me laugh as I move cause it hurts like when someone tickles you a little too long, painfully good.

Tonite, before me and my Man crew hit up Santana, Ill be putting in at least 4 miles. So, it all works well with my plan, I will have run 20 miles as of today. 10 miles from my goal of 30 for the week. Nice.

Peace.

chicken nuggets in my tummy.!!

2006-07-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

I just chowed down 10 succulent Chicken McNuggets from Mickey D'z, UMMM-MMM!

I was so hungry at noon, and I had a jonesing for some Mickey D'z anything! I was starving marvin as I had not had a chance to grab a bite, sans my handful of Wheat Thins out the door in our usual rush to daycare and then the jobby job. I was especially a hungry hippo as I had FINALLY gotten my lazy bootie up and run me some miles this morning.

I woke up at 5:36 A.M., rolled outta bed, splashed some water on my ashed out knees, got dressed, and laced up my Asics. I was out the door, noshing on some granola cereal bar and choking down some kiwi-strawberry Propel. I drove out the local park, gunning it, and stretching it out. I peeked at my dash clock, 6:53, calculating the time I had to run and make it back in time for D-man to take off to work at 7. Made a pit-stop at the "potty", and took off at ludicrous speed. First 1/4 mile in, I was already sweating like a mofo. It was freaking HUMID! It didn't really bother me to much as I sweat like a pig anyway, but it was so bad that my hands were turning pruny..ewwwww. Anywho, there were many walkers, an occasional runner, and lots of dog shyt.

I feel bad at time when someone says "hello." to me when I run in the park, the park peepz (as I call em) are a pretty friendly bunch, but sometimes their timing is off, like they'll say hello to me as I just pass em, and I hate to stop and turn around to say hi..so I kinda just ignore them. Im not really that unfriendly, its just that when I run, its ME time, however, I do occasionally say Hello, when I can predict peeps are giving me that "hello" look.

Anywho, my body was feeling pretty effortless, it was my lungs that were giving me probs. I still have that phglem thing in my chest, which I try to cough out every chance I get, but its still hindering my usual breathing pattern. I can feel it coat my nasal and throat passages, which makes me cough in order to get it out, but then the phglem in turn coats my passage and gets stuck. I try to hack it out, but it just makes me lose my breathing pattern, and thus forces me to work harder just to breathe. I hate that phglemy tickle in the back of my throat, that I have to constantly keep clearing my throat and spitting out. Bleh.

I did an easy 3. Stopped, and drank some tu", resumed my pace and made myself fly that last mile, where I stopped at the last exercise station and did my 100 ab crunches. I was actually in my car when I looked at the clock and saw that is was 6:34. I jumped out and ran my last mile at a quicker pace and labored breathing, AGAIN.

Last nite I checked out Posidien at the Dollar Theatre, it rocks! Everyone that I told that I was wanted to see it told me to se the original one that came out in the 70's. Groovy. Anywho, short story, no running on Weds.

Heres the breakdown:

Mon: Lazy Bastard.
Tues: 6 Miles. Finished in 55:25. 9:13 minute miles.
Weds: Posidien Adventure. No Go on the run.
Thurs: 5 miles. Estimated finish of 47 minutes? 9:20 minute miles?

Miles for the week: 11 miles.
Goal for the week: 30 miles.

Peace..

Im a loser babee..so why don't you kill me?

2006-07-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

I forgot to type in that I did not run any races this weekend.

I did not wake up in time for the 5k at Kiwanis on Saturday. I gave into my sleep. The info on the Piestewa Games 5k had the adults starting at 930 AM!!

I was not going to pass out from heatstroke so I passed on that as well.

Sigh.

I suck ballz.

phlegm & adrienne curry

2006-07-24T14:49:00.000-07:00

The bug got me.

Last week I totaled only 14 miles.

Mon: 50 minutes kickbox class.
Tues: Slacker
Weds: Slacker
Thurs: 6 miles - 54:18 Avg. 9:03 min. miles.
Fri: 4 miles - 35:40 Avg. 8:55 min. miles (It kicked my wheezy ass.)
Sat: 4 miles - 36:20 Avg. 9:05 min. miles (It kicked my wheezy ass again.)
Sun: Slacker - Too out of it to even think of running.

I can feel the phlegm lodged deep in my chest. I cough and it stays stuck. Saturday when I ran, I could actually feel my left nostril become congealed with snot and I had to blow out hard to dislodge it. I ran and coughed, the coughs that are deep and hard from the chest, the ones that leave you breathless and dizzy, but still I ran. Peeps around me were looking at me like something contagious was gonna bite their sweat asses.."its just my allergies" I wanted to shout. But I think it was something more, but I refure to address it. heh.

The infection tried to get me. Its working its way out, but its taking its damn time doing it.

Last nite, I was thinking about taking an easy 6 out on the treadmill. But after a whirlwind weekend of basketball, "the missing jerseys adventure", replacing my tires and shelling out some major bones while waiting at Costco for 3 hours!!, late nite "lady in the water" action, and a kick ass but unexpected 12 am nite at Flickas, I was beat down. I was down to whistling breathes, and MAN was I freaking fatigued! I have never been one to lay down during the day, there is always too much to freaking do..but yesterday, I was feeling so drowsy it was hard to keep my eyes open. After a long day of b-ball, I was just wanting to go home and sleep.

I turned down a nite of wings for a date with VH1 and a snugglefest with my Son. My Son hit the hay in 1/2 hour so I was free to turn off the Teletubbies and watch my some "I Married a Brady" the finale. LOL. I was just randomly switching around when there it was.

First of all, Adrienna Brody is the oldest looking 23 year old I have ever seen! Seriously, I thought she was my age! I like her tough biker chica bravado however, and she wore the toughest boybeater..my beloved "WHITEGIRL". LOL.

I was sucked in.

I love that it showed their fights, their drama, their stupid things that when you do it, you don't realize how stupid you are or how stupid you sound - until a day later. I love that it was real, to me. It kinda reminded me of my life, how sometimes we forget to see things from the one we loves perspective, or how our attitudes and actions affect another's life. One action can have a lifetime of ripples.

It mad me sad to see that most of their fights were fueled by alcohol. Bad memories yo.

I have lost someone that I truly loved and still do, but in a different way, because of alcohol. It made me that ugly person that I hate. It made me push and push to truly see how far I could go, and one nite, I went to far. I lost love. From that nite on, I made the decision to be a better person, to let go of alcohol's hold on me.

It just makes me sad to see how alcohol truly FUCKS up people's lives, and allows one to hurt those who truly love them. Some people can handle, some people can't, I can't.

Anywho, thats for another blog.

The wedding itself was beautiful. Sigh.

Made me wonder what my wedding will be like. Either we will go to Vegas and do the deed, or marry in my church with a blowout reception..lol. Haven't decided yet. Still, thats a ways away.

Anywho, I had such a good time by myself. I haven't lazed like that in such a long time. I usually cant' keep myself still enough to actually watch an entire show let alone 2 hours. Everytime I got the urge to get up and start moving the broom, I stretched out like a cat and hugged my pillow tigher. Aww..vacation time.

I think I will run 6 tonite. The boogers are being kept at bay. Maybe kickbox..i duno. I feel fat so tonite is my time to move.

Peace ..

trip down babee lane..

2006-07-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

I found this in someone's blog..an ode to the female psyche after childbirth and the trauma it brings to out body's self-image.

Naked
i stand in front of the mirror, naked. i cringe at what i see. my body is worn and torn, the marks from carrying a child ever present. my breasts, once perfectly shaped and beautiful are now large and saggy, repulsive to look at. my stomach, once flat and smooth, is now covered with stretch marks, fat, no muscle tone. i am ashamed. i will never be beautiful again.

but today i tell myself, although it is hard to look at and it is indeed ugly, it is a reminder that an amazing human being was formed inside of me and those marks and stretched out skin are proof that life grew inside of me. it is a reminder i made love to a man i adore, life was created and my body was home to those beautiful baby for 9 months. my stomach was stretched as he grew, my breasts were enlarged with the milk that would sustain him for the first months of his life. it takes my breath away when i think back to having him inside of me, to the miracle of his birth, seeing him for the first time and it makes it easier to accept the mess my body has become. looking at him, kissing him, i say these marks on my body were a small price to pay for the amazing gift that grew inside of me for 9 months and have filled my life with love and purpose everyday since he was born.
i may be ugly, my body repulsive to look at
but i am a mother
and i am blessed.

PS. I do not think I am ugly or repulsive..I think I am FREAKING BEAUTIFUL ..heh. I posted this as an ode to what a Mother's body goes through in the thorughs of pregnancy, birth, and getting back to shape afterward. It is an uphill battle people, but so worth it.

20 running thangs..

2006-07-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

1)I have peed on myself while running. Many times. Hey, you try and have a babee and run....if you do or when you do, you will understand.

2) I have throw up after busting ass at a race, I ran so hard that at the end I tossed my frybread. Weird thing was, I wasn't embarrassed. heh.

3) I have fallen so hard I saw stars. literally. I was running all superior last year, 2 days before a 1/2 marathon, and I biffed in on asphalt. Torn up my knee, opened up my other knee, scraped the hell outta my hand, and knocked the breath outta my lungs. BUT, I still finished my 1/2 marathon in 2:07 minutes yo!! I rock.

4) I had to toss my chauniez to the side. I ran, I didn't get to the bathroom when I needed to, I had to toss. But dammit, I finished my 7 miles. LOL.

5) I cried after I finished my marathon. Happy, salty tears.

6) I have run a 5k race 3 mos after I had my Son. I had just started running like 2 weeks before? I finished in 29 minutes something seconds. I was so mad at myself cause I was all, " I SUCK NOW!", forgetting that I hadn't run, literally in 9 mos. My time then, is some peepz best times now.

7) I ran my first 1/2 marathon 8 mos after the birth of my Son. With 5 mos. of training. I ran that sucka in 2:10:18. So if I can do that peeps, so can you.

8) I spit so much when I run, I get it on myself. I even wipe my loogies on my shirt and don't give a shyt. What?

9) When I run a big race, something that means a lot to me, I wear a red bandana. I wear my bandana as an ode to my father, who has run several marathons, half-marathons, 10k's, etc. He is who I aspire to be. He is who I owe my running genes too. He is my hero.

10) I ran cross-country and track in H.S. I did alright, but I was a lazy ass. What could I have been if I had my discipline then, like I have now. I hate what ifs..!

11) I run because I need to. Running makes me sane. It is where I pound away all my frustrations, all my anger, all my angst, all my tears, all my pain, all my hurt, all my blackness. If I did not run, I do not know who I would be. Its a scary thought.

12) The longest I have ever run is 26.2. (in 4 hours 10 minutes 21 seconds)

13) I have been out (of running) since I have seriously started running again 3 major times. The first time was my pregnancy and birth of my Son, second time was when I had pneumonia last May, and the third time was when I broke my toe in February, right after my marathon.

14) I started seriously running again since January 2002. The day I became sober.

15) I will be running the Boys & Girls Club 1/2 Marathon in November 2006, the Las Vegas 1/2 Marathon in December, and the PF Changs Marathon in January. Pray for me.

16) My running goals for this year are to run a 1/2 marathon in under 2:05. To run my marathon in 4:30, taking 10 minutes off my time from last year.

17) I always wear two sports bras when running. I hate to bounce.

18) When I run, I am super competitive. Even when running on a treadmill, I try to outlast or outrun the person next to me. heh.

19) I love running because it is a solo sport. I don't depend on anybody but myself to kick ass, and that's the way I like it.

20) I dream of doing the Ironman Triathalon. At 35.

Phlegm induced rant

2006-07-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

I didnt run last nite.

I am stuffed full of phlegm.

Pretty huh?

This morning, Son-Boi projectile vomited on me 3 times. My left front tire looks like someone slashed it in some psycho-ex craziness, hence no ride.

The one great thing about today is that I am home. I am sitting here at the computer relaxing and blowing my nose. I wish I could taste. I did the Pima cure and tried to eat some chili, its kinda working.

I got to do some laundry, clean up, organize clothing (Son's & mine), and wash the dishes, oh yea, and see Judge Judy. Oh how I have missed her.

Today I think I will run. Or maybe not. I still have that stuffed wooziness. I hate when my allergies act a fool, all of a sudden it turns into an infection. Its crazy, last year about this time I had pneumonia..coincidence? I believe its that time of year where all the bad things I am allergic to come out and try and get me. Leave me alone suckaz!!! I hate feeling under the weather, I refuse to use the word "sick". SIck is for suckas. I refuse to be one of those whiney, weak, useless peepz..wait a minute..what was this blog about? Oh yeah, me complaining..lol.

On the training side:

Monday: 50 minutes of kickboxing class. (I was late so I missed 10 minutes boo-hoo)
Tuesday: Lungs & throat enveloped in phlegm. No go. (on a side note, did go to a basketball game - in misery)
Wednesday: Possible run?

I want to run my phlegm out, but its so freaking hot outside I can't do it out there. If I run inside, there is no where to spit. I think I will bring a cup with me and peeps around me are just going to have to deal.

I just found out that the Piestewa games this upcoming weekend include a 5K cross-country run! So, do I run there or do my scheduled ARR 5K #4 Summer Series Run at Kiwanis Park? Hmm..

Lets chew on that ..and you runners out there that read this..(YES YOU!) are you going to run this weekend, and if so, where?

more to come, while my Son is asleep.

PS. I miss tasting food.

1 hour 10 seconds.

2006-07-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I hit my secret goal of 30 miles this week.

I ran 7 miles yesterday in 1 hour 10 seconds. I rock.

I averaged 8:35 minute miles.

I actually felt pretty damn good running it out, not dog ass tired like I thought.

This is a short & Sweet blog.

Im just proud of myself so I wanted to blog about it.

More to come later.

In the words of Victorio," Peace out yo".

observations yo

2006-07-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

This A.M. I woke up thinking I had something to do and that I was about to eat my pillow.

I ate some day-old chinese takeout and swished down some apple juice while contemplating running. At 5:30 I found myself lacing up my shoes and grabbing my ipod. The men in my life were all still sleeping, so I left a note and snuck out the door.

Found myself at the park @ 6am. It was already hot.

I had thought about running the canal, but it being so early, I wasn't sure if there wouldn't be peeps still partying alongside, so I nixed the idea for safety reasons. Sides, I get kinda nervous when I run solo as there are a lot of farm workers and they are all male, jutkom, and look at you with eyes that make you uneasy if you get my drift.

Anywho, at the park I stretched for like a minute and I was off. I am so bad at stretching. I know that I should be stretching for at least a couple of minutes, especially at my advanced age (heh), but I just cant seem to make myself take the time. When I run, I just wanna GO!

By this time, the sun was out and beginning its bake of the land. I took off at an easy roll and remembered to start my stopwatch. My stopwatch is a weapon that I bought the night before last year's marathon. I love it, even though its a Men's watch and dangles on my wrist like a bracelet, I just push it up halfway up my arm and go.

I coasted the park's circle at an easy pace.

Pushed it in the last 1/2 mile, enough to snort and fill the sweat hit my back to the beat of my feet.

I ran that sucka in 25:11. I ran approximately 8:23 minute miles.

I believe that I ran the first half slower than my second. I feel this because I know that I didn't push it much the first half, I was just trying to warm up. The second half I felt myself running faster and with a lot of push that last 1/2 mile. I need to find a way to push it all out throughout the entire run, and not just the second half. I guess treadmill running is my cross, it makes me run consistently the entire run until I gun it up the last mile to 1/2 mile of my run. When I run free, meaning when I run outside, I run much faster but with an inconsistent pace.

I will be running at least 2 days outside in the morning for my marathon training, until the weather starts to cool down in late Sept. Then I will up my running outside and mileage. Right now I am still doing my long runs, with my longest consisting of 8 miles. I have been having a long run of 7 miles for the past couple of weeks, with last week being my first 8 mile run.

I have usually been running during the week:
-2 6-mile days.
-1 long run of at least 7 miles.
-2 days of either a 4 miler or a 5 miler.

I have been averaging 22 miles a week.

This week I am up to 23 mile as of today, Saturday. Tomorrow will be my long run, aiming at 8 miles.

I lied the last time, my secret goal for this week was 30 miles. heh.

Here are the tunes that got my legs a pumping for this week:

++No Ordinary Love - Deftones

++Walking With a Ghost - the White Stripes

++Faster Kill Pussycat - Oakenfield F. Brittany Murphy

++How Bizare - OMC

++Dopeman - N.W.A.

++Ms. Jones - Lakota Jones

++Bossy - Kelis

++99 Problems - Jay-Z

++Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

++Boyz-N-The-Hood - Dynamite Hack

++Rebirth Of Slick - Digable Planets

++Me & U - Cassie

++Legs - ZZ Top

++Touch It (remix -Ladee'z version) - Busta Bust

++And Then We Kiss - Britney Spears

++So Watcha Want - Beastie Boys

++Hells Bells - AC/DC

++I Should Have Cheated - Keyshia Cole

++Mouth of Poison - Kittie

++Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford

++Renee - Lost Boys

++And She Said - Lucas Prata

++Ride or Dye Bytch - the Lox

++Ain't No Future in Your Frontin - Mc Breed

++Sorry (Oakenfield Mix) - Madonna

++This One's For the Girls - Martina McBride

++Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet

++You've Really Got a Hold On Me - the Miracles

++Ms. Fat Booty - Mos Def

++Buffalo Stance - Neneh Cherry

++Physical - Olivia Newton-John

++Money Doesn't Matter Tonite - PRINCE

..thats enough.

Peaceness..